Dear valued customer,

Thank you so much for joining us today! I'll be taking care of you can I – oh wow, you cut me off there. Yes, our market price for that dish today is $16.95. Anyways, I'll be taking care of your today. Can I get everyone something to drink?

Oh hi, folks! I'll be right with you. As you see, I picked up a full tray of drinks as you were seated! No, please don't look at me like that. I am not ignoring you, I'll be right back to get you everything that you need.

Are we ready to order our entrees? Perfect! What can I get for everyone? Oh great choice! Would you like french fries with that? And for anyone else? How are we doing on waters, is everyone okay? Perfect. I'll go put that order in and tend to my other tables since you all seem to be in great shape. Oh now you're flagging me down after I just offered my assistance and you denied it? Fabulous.

Great, my food is up for all four of my tables at once! Now I will frantically run through the kitchen back and fourth with the ferociously hot plates that just came out of the dishwasher. I need help. Where is a busser? We have three bussers. Where is a single busser?

Alright, here is a BLT club wrap that you ordered with a side of fries ma'am, is there anything else I can get for you? Oh, you're allergic to dairy? You didn't know this was prepared like this? Ma'am, I'd be happy to get you another dish but did you read the damn menu or close your eyes and pick the coolest sandwich name? Right. I'll be back with that. No, of course we won't charge you for the dish you did and did not want all at once.

How are we doing over here? Is everyone enjoying everything? Sure, I'll grab some ketchup, extra napkins, more water, more bread, a side of mayo, another beer, and more crayons for you and your screaming kids with my 12 sets of hands. Please be patience that this may take more than a single second!

Here I am with refills that you flagged me down for even though your glass is still three quarters of the way full! Oh. You wanted one too? You're a little late, but yes! I'll be right back with that for you.

Are we interested in any dessert folks? What do we have for dessert choices? Why don't I get you a dessert menu so that you can read the choices instead of me reciting them like an old story book I'm tired of hearing.

Thankfully every time I run to the back to get you something else, I have my coworkers cheering me on to make it through the hours left in this not-so-great shift.

Okay everyone, it was a pleasure waiting on you today. I'll leave this check here for whenever you're ready. Please stop asking me questions about my life, I can see out of the corner of my eye that I was just double sat. Yes, I am in college, and yes I am working towards a degree but I don't really want to tell you my life story right now for the simple fact that I am busy. Have a great day, though!

Thanks again folks, it was a pleasure waiting on you today. Should I get you any change? No, all set? Thank you so much! Oh. Oh. You tipped 10 percent? Thank you Mr. Cheap, I appreciate you being frugal while I am trying to work, financially support myself, go to school, and still be nice to you all at once.

Come again soon!