I've been working as a resident assistant for this summer, and as student employees, we at least owe you honesty (or a stretch of truth every now and then) to what we really think about the situations we come across.
20. I am not a doctor or nurse. Why are you calling me when you should be calling 911?
19. I don't know what's a good place to get food around here. You know who does know? Google. You act like you've never used a search engine in your life. Also, do you know who you're asking? I'm just an RA who lives off of week old leftovers and instant noodles. I do not know what quality food is.
18. My power is very limited, but I only bring this up when I don't want to help you.
17. Do you really need linens at 3:30 a.m.? There was no other time to ask earlier? Really?
16. If I smell bad, it's your fault. You interrupted my shower.
15. If I take a while to accomplish a task you give me, it's not because I was already busy taking care of someone else's needs; I was napping.
14. You cannot sweet talk your way out of anything. Only I can.
13. All I do is report incidents and occasionally check people in and out. I don't have the power to do many of the things you ask me to do.
12. If a person is missing, CALL THE POLICE. WHAT CAN I DO. (Just kidding you can notify me).
11. Locked out in the middle of the night again? What are you doing out? Why can't you stay locked up in your room and sleep like a normal person?
10. CAN I PEE FIRST?
9. Drink, smoke, and party all you want. Just not in the residence halls.
8. Being noncompliant will only make you look worse.
7. *about the moving out process* I say everything is fine, but I'm really just charging you. If you didn't note that you have a giant black hole in your wall when you first moved in, I'm going to assume you did it and fine you.
6. I know it sucks when your roommates leave things behind and you move out after them. Too bad I don't care. Get rid of their stuff so I can properly check out your entire suite.
5. I act like I'm going to go to another room to call the resident director to address your issues, but I really just need a mental break from you.
4. If you look like trouble, I'm going to memorize your room number.
3. All of your problems could be solved if you had access to calling university facilities, engineers, or even resident director. Too bad you're stuck with me, a limited individual who will never resolve situations immediately.
2. They are called emergency exits for a reason.
1. Is this really an emergency?
