Growing up we all think we know what who we are and what we're going to be and what our purpose is. It's a common expectation that society puts on us and we just kind've go with it, and we create our identity into what we do and who our friends are. It's a really common thing in high school I've noticed, especially for me. I went through high school having a passion for life, and I put this into having a successful cheerleading career, recognition in my artwork, I had a ton of friends, and I did pretty good academically. What they don't tell you about graduating is these things are temporary, and once I walked across that graduation stage and started the next chapter of my life, I lost those things, and I had to learn the hard way that they didn’t define me. I just remember laying in my bed that night after graduating and I had to ask myself the hard question "who am I"? That first week I was miserable, not understanding why I was feeling empty and lost. I had to redo my life and start it over, which really frustrated me and made me frustrated with the Lord, and I remember some nights asking him "whats my purpose here"?
In listening to the Holy Spirit, which is something I've learned to do in recommitting my life to the Lord after I had a long year of battling many things in my life and walking away from the faith, God has been revealing to me my purpose. In Colossians 3:1-3 it says "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God" (NIV). I had to look back on my purpose for all the things that I did, which was the passion I had in my heart, which God gave me as a spiritual gift. I didn't even realize this at first, but after working at a Christian camp, people would come up to me and say "that spark, that excitement and passion you have serve and love others, that's a gift". Something that I thought was just a part of my personality, was something given to me from God, which is a part of my identity thats in him. I've learned that my identity isn't in cheerleading, art, or my friends. These are things that God has blessed me with, but it's not a part of my identity. My true identity is in the Lord and the trust that I have in him. In him I find purpose and the self worth that we all search for. In him we have confidence in the unseen and the things that he is doing in our lives. We have to keep looking forward to the greater things and not be so focused on the present obstacles in front of us. Those temporary things in my life, they have died and are not a part of me anymore. I will always miss cheerleading. It's all I've ever known and I know it will still hurt going to the games, but I have to keep asking God to reveal his goodness in what's in store, because it will better then what I can dream. I have to keep my eyes on him and keep moving forward. He is the one thing in my life that has stayed constant, even when I have strayed from him, which he extends grace even when I didn't deserve it. That's the true love and acceptance we all crave, temporary fillers don't cut it.
From losing all these things, the one thing I did gain was my close relationship with the Lord, and how I was to define myself through him. I may not be in the same shape I was in 6 months ago, I haven't picked up a paintbrush since may, and I may not have a lot of friends, but that's okay. I’m still not sure what my future holds, or what my full abilities are, but I trust that God’s got a plan for me and I will continue to praise him in the storm.
