Yes, I know that “Glee” ended forever ago. But nothing brings in the new year like a good throwback to probably one of the wildest shows to ever grace our planet. Who better to highlight from “Glee” than Illinois State University’s very own alum, Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester? Unfortunately, I couldn’t give all of her great quotes, so here are just a few of the best. Enjoy these 13 iconic Sue Sylvester quotes.
1. “Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I am so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.”
Honestly, any quote that talks about Greek mythology is a good one.
2. “Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching…and that includes an elementary school production of 'Hair'.”
Lowkey, I kind of want to know what an elementary school production of "Hair" looks like...
3. “It’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down; tell you that you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something: there’s not much of a difference in a stadium full of cheering fans, and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise; how you take it is up to you. Convince yourself that they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will.”
This isn't exactly a funny quote, but it's kind of inspiring.
4. “I will go to the shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.”
I laughed harder than I should've when I first heard this one.
5. “And what if I were to just innocently murder you, Will? I’d still have to go to trial. Probably get off with justifiable homicide.”
"Innocently murder."
6. “Oh, hey William. I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair.”
I still can't believe the number of insults she can whip out about Will's hair.
7. “Will, I may buy a small diaper for your chin because it looks like a baby’s ass!”
Nothing like a little potty humor.
8. “Oh, and Boobs McGee? You’re demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will protect the squad from injury. Now take your juicy, vine-ripened chest fruit and get the hell out of my office.”
Not cool that she's harping on Santana for doing what she wants with her body, but the phrase "juicy, vine-ripened chest fruit" was too weird to exclude from this list.
9. “You know what, William? That’s what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone’s bourbon. And when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson’s tramp-stamp and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face. And spend the next hour screaming “Sex party!” into the microphones of all three major networks.”
This one's just weird, and that's exactly why it's on this list.
10. “In my office, I have a chair with a naked butt sweat stain to prove it. It’s like an ink blot test, that butt sweat stain. Stare into it long enough, and you will see the light of all that is good go out of the world.”
This episode had me shook, as does this quote.
11. “I made plans to shoot reindeer from my helicopter with Sarah Palin, but she canceled. Apparently, Todd gets fussy when she misses his dance recitals.”
I'm sure this secretly some kind of political slam, but politics aside, this is still funny.
12. “What is with you Glee Club ex-pats? Don’t you have jobs? You have to have some source of income so you can pay the staff of scientists who service your teleporters that you all clearly own since you’re constantly showing up here?"
I mean, she's got a point.
13. “I want you to pull something so psychotic that they can’t help but start crying when they think about it in the middle of the inevitable Journey song they’ll sing to win at Nationals after deciding on it at the very last minute.”
She's not wrong. I'm pretty sure most of "Glee's" songs are from Journey.
So she might have been one of the most problematic people on the show, but man was she funny! Honestly, I’d sponsor a spin-off of "Glee" if it meant more screen time for Sue Sylvester.
