Dear Doubts,
This is for you. This is for those moments where I question my sanity in this relationship. This is for those moments where I drive my friends crazy because I've asked them the same questions over and over ( sorry guys love you ). This is for those moments where I question if I'm good enough, smart enough, enough in general.
To be honest, I have a love-hate relationship with you. On one hand, I'm glad you keep me guarded, cautious and safe. On the other, please leave me alone. It's been fun but It's time to let myself be happy. Be happy in my relationship, with my friends, with my life. I want to be happy. No, I'm allowed to be happy.
I get it, you're moved in, unpacked and settled in. Well, I'm evicting you. For the past year and a half, I have been fighting you on and off. Driving my friends, boyfriend, and family crazy ( love you guys ) and it's time to stop. Yes, it may take some time but you know what, whatever it takes to let myself love fully, be happy fully and enjoy life fully.
To my friends and family who I have driven crazy - thank you for everything. For the countless vent sessions. For the countless advice ( even if I don't listen to you sorry ). For being there for me. You have been there for the good and bad times and that's what ( to me ) a true friend is.
To my boyfriend - Thank you for being the best person in my life. Thank you for being there for me through it all and making me feel loved. You don't ( I mean you probably do because I tell you every day) know how much I love you and appreciate all you do for me in my life. Thank you for sticking with me through all the crazy, wild moments. And thank you for sticking by me through the not so pretty ones. I love you B with all of my heart.
And finally to myself - You are enough. You have an amazing support system in your life and you need to let yourself be happy. You need to let yourself tear down your walls. It's scary and nerve-wracking ( I know ) but on the other side of the walls you built are the people who have been there for you all along. The people who love you no matter what. It's time.
A final thought - I have a love-hate relationship with you. On one hand, I'm glad you keep me guarded, cautious and safe. On the other, please leave me alone. It's been fun but It's time to let myself be happy. Be happy in my relationship, with my friends, with my life. I want to be happy. No, I'm allowed to be happy.
Sincerely,
A happier me