Content Warning: Sexual Assault/Rape
In my last blog I disclosed the real reason I moved before my senior year. This blog post I will disclose the main reason I moved to a different college after my freshman year.
During the first few weeks at my first college, I started dating someone who I thought was the perfect gentleman. Unfortunately for me, the guy I started dating was incapable of listening. He didn't understand what the word NO meant.
This person ended up raping and sexually assaulting me on three separate occasions. I said no and that is all that should have mattered.
When we learned about sexual assault before college, in almost every example set for us, there was alcohol involved in the scenario. And even though no matter if alcohol is involved or not, it doesn't make assault okay at all. What I do wish I would've been educated on is on other scenarios to watch out for.
In my case, alcohol wasn't involved in any of the three instances. I wasn't assaulted by some stranger from a creepy ally. It was the person I was dating and it was mixed with consensual acts so I didn't think what he did was wrong at the time.
There's a lot more to the story, but this is the very short version.
Two years after this whole thing happened, I had to apply for a restraining order against this person. Every few months he would reach out on social media and try and talk to me. He even would make a separate facebook just to talk to me because I had blocked him on his other facebook. I requested on the forms that if my restraining order request was denied, I wanted a hearing with a judge. Long story short, my request was denied and I ended up missing 3 days of college and making 3 trips back and forth from Luther this past fall 8 hours round trip because I don't have a car so my dad brought me and he also had to miss work to get me from college, to the court house, and back to college.
Because of some mix ups, I wasn't even allowed to have my hearing the first two times I made the trip to the court house. I also didn't know that the person who raped/assaulted me would be at the hearing in the same room as me. That hearing alone was traumatic and I was again denied a restraining order, even though he lied to the judge and the judge even told him he didn't believe him. In my free time last fall, I had meetings with the title nine faculty at my college and with campus security.
Although I am extremely grateful to have transferred to a school where I feel safe, respected, challenged, and have found friends for life, I wish I didn't feel forced out of my other college.
All in all, this situation still affects me in my everyday life. I don't post very often anymore in fear that my ex who assaulted me will know where I am. I am nervous to post this short version, but I can't let this burden keep weighing on me.
I may post follow up posts on my main blog page sometime, like more details and how I've coped or how this affects me now. But for now, this is all I will do. Please if there's anything to take away from this: Consent is ONGOING and assaults can happen to anyone. Trust me, I thought with my years of karate experience, the fact I was dating the person, and that it was mixed with consensual things meant I was safe. That wasn't the case. If it wasn't for my friends at my last college, family and my R.A. I wouldn't have realized eventually that I was in a toxic relationship. Always make sure your partner and you are 100% clear on consent because silence doesn't mean yes. Consent should be ongoing and clear.