I never thought the two of us would have ever became "a thing" until you asked me on a date. The thought of us never being a thing should have stayed in my head, it would have saved me a whole lot of hurt.
Everything was fine.
Keyword: was. Everything was fine. Until it wasn't. The happy, sweet, caring person I went on that first date with soon disappeared. I started dating the polar opposite from who I was in the beginning. I went from the center of attention to someone you didn't want to put up with.
The Hole.
From the first outburst, I shouldn't have stayed- but I did. I was scared, and you knew I was. But I stayed. The hole in our relationship wasn't from me, but what had to do with the new hole in the wall. I never thought that the wall would be the only thing to receive damage from an outburst, but I soon learned better. The wall could be fixed but I couldn't, yet I stayed anyway.
My apologies were worthless.
I'm sorry was a line I used entirely too much. Apologizing for things I shouldn't have to apologize for. Things that I didn't even do. I even apologized for your actions. I thought if I apologized, the anger would stop. I was wrong. You blamed me for everything that went wrong. Everything was my fault even when it wasn't. Every time you hurt me I felt guilty for making you feel bad, so I apologized. My apologies meant nothing to you, but I apologized anyway.
I was blind.
Everyone seemed to notice, except me. You always said you would change, and I believed you- but everyone else knew you wouldn't. The love I had for you was so strong that I wanted you to change so badly. I wanted it to stop. But when it didn't, it had already gotten to the worst point. I was blind. And because I was blind, I now, could not leave. I should have listened to everyone. I should have listened to my body before it had to alert me in the worst shape possible. I should have listned, but instead, I went blind.
A way out.
Finally. I finally, left. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle the pain. I stood up for myself in front of the biggest monster in my life. I found my way out by finding out I deserved better. You never think it will happen to you until it does. It's not just something you read about in the books or see in the movies- it's real. No one is worth such physical, emotional, and mental pain. It's not worth it and if it happens once, it will happen again. It will never change. And because I realized you would never change, I left.
Now I will stay, but not with you.
Here I am today, thankful. Thankful for a healthy body. Thankful for great friends. Thankful for my family. Thankful that i'm not the person I was a year ago and that I'm not in the situation I was in. But today, I am thankful. I am thankful for such a tough battle. Because of the battle you had me go through, I am now not afraid of anything else in this world because you- you were my biggest monster. The scars will stay with me, but I will not stay with you. Now, I am happy. I have moved on. And now I know what it is like to be loved. And because of you, I will stay. I will stay with someone who loves me, because you didn't. He treats me the way you never did. If I had never climbed my way out of the hole, I wouldn't have met my true happiness and love. And because of you, I will stay with him, but never again will I stay, with you.
