Recently I've been going through a hard time, we all have. With COVID being a key factor and throwing a wrench in our lives we lost all sense of normalcy.
For me I've been stressed, not sleeping (or getting very minimal), working myself into the ground, and overall distracted. It's been affecting the way I do my job and how I'm choosing to live my life.
Last night I talked to a really good friend and she told me how she wasn't going to let herself wallow in stress anymore. She told me that she's done complaining because life is short and that we should be finding the good in every moment.
She's right. She's absolutely 100% without a doubt right. I'm tired of being exhausted all the time, running on an hour and a half of sleep, feeling confused and distracted with my thoughts, taking on more than I can handle (even when I think I can), and other-thinking every situation or thing I say. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
For months, hell even years people have been telling me I need to put myself first or take care of myself and I've ignored it. I thought the pandemic was finally making me realize I need to slow down and take a break to learn self-care but apparently not.
I have a tendency to pick up and absorb the stress of others. I create more and unnecessary stress for myself because I want to understand how someone else is feeling. Usually this really only happens when I have so much going on that I don't want to deal with my own issues.
I genuinely do care and want to help others. I want to be someone's sounding board or the person they can bitch or vent to. I will check in and see if someone's ok after a rough day. I put myself in that position because I want to not because I feel obligated. So when I can't it feels like a kick to the face.
The problem doesn't lie in that I can't handle being those things, because I absolutely can. I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it. The issue is sometimes I get so wrapped up in someone else's problem that I let it stress me out as if it was my own stress. It's a rarity that I let it get to that level.
As I've recently learned, I can't half-ass caring about someone, especially when they mean something or are important to me. When I get worried I get overprotective and become a pain in the ass. I then just create stress for myself.
I thought the days of pushing my feelings down and using other people’s problems as a way to cope or as a distraction were over. Again, apparently not.
I somehow managed to configure a 4 day weekend for myself and if I'm completely honest that might be the longest break I've had in a while. Besides getting some much-needed sleep, I plan on turning myself off from the world. No social media, no texting, or any form of contact (unless it's an absolute emergency). I only plan on having my phone on to listen to my music (music drop has been on point the last couple weeks). Otherwise, that's it.
At the end of the day, I need to stop thinking I'm Wonder Woman. I'm not and having that mentality might be doing more harm than good.
I can't continue to live my life constantly stressed. It's not healthy for anyone mentally, emotionally, or physically. I understand stress is part of life and will happen but holding onto it doesn't do anyone any good. Everyone has something or other that is a constant stressor that needs to be focused on that nobody needs to have more.
As long as I know my friends/family are happy, healthy, and not hurting and that I'm doing my job to the best of my ability that's all that should matter. Everything else is just noise. Noise is only a good thing at a concert, otherwise it's a distraction.