Last night I was at a get together with a group of women, many of which I had just met. I quickly realized that every one of them was married with children besides one other and myself. At one point one of them asked me if I had ever had a serious relationship because she married her first serious boyfriend and she thought maybe I just haven't met anyone worth dating yet. I am pretty much an open book about my life but I don't usually share stories about my dating life with strangers but give me a couple glasses of wine and I just might.

So this got me thinking that I want to share my truth about what happened to me. I've been wanting to tell my story for quite some time but I have never been able to bring myself to put it in writing. Here goes nothing...

In 2016, my long term boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly - it took me a couple months to pull myself together again but I realized that we weren't meant to be and that the breakup was for the best.

A little while after the breakup, I reconnected with a guy that I had been friends with since high school. We talked on and off for years but never dated. To keep this part short and sweet I will say that he ended up ghosting me and got married shortly after. We are still friends and there aren't many hard feelings there anymore.

After those two less than positive experiences that I had, I was in a slump for awhile and I was seeking attention and comfort. It was April, 2017 at this point and I got a friend request from a very attractive man who posted about his faith, his family, his son, traveling and other things that intrigued me. We chatted for only one day before I stopped hearing from him and thought he just wasn't interested. Well, the next day there was a post on his Facebook supposedly written by his sister saying that he and his mom got in a motorcycle accident while on vacation out of state. She then posted updates for a week on his and their mothers conditions. The story was that he was in a medically induced coma for a week. He then started talking to me again while he was in the hospital. He wouldn't send me any photos because of the scars on his face and head from the accident. That was my first red flag. Once he was home and out of the hospital we made several plans to go on a date but they fell through time and time again. My second red flag.

Now I know that I should have just stopped talking to this person but we had grown very close, talking everyday, sharing very personal things about our lives, connecting on a level I never had with anyone. I would try to ask him why and ask for a picture of him but he would turn it around on me and say that I didn't trust him and I'm just like every other woman and all I care about is looks and that if I would just wait and be patient until his scars were healed it would all be worth it.

I knew at this point that he wasn't the person in the pictures but I had no proof. About every other day we would get in a fight because he would watch my social media and if a man would like a picture of me or follow me on instagram he would blow up thinking I had to be talking to them. He was always worried that I was going to find out so he would try to find me doing things wrong to make himself feel better. I am going to spare you all the details about how cruel this person was and how he treated me because those details are too personal and frankly far too embarrassing to share considering that I should have been smarter than to talk to someone who's face I had never seen but it happened. It happened and thats something I deal with everyday.

One of my best friends ended up finding the real person from the pictures he was using in January of 2018. I confronted him and he said that he was actually this other person and of course I didn't believe him but I wanted to meet and find out who this person was. Yet again he could never follow through with anything. For a few months in the beginning of 2018, I dated someone and he would get strange text messages and we realized that it was from the catfish. Who ever this person is doesn't want me to be with anyone. If he can't be with me then he doesn't want me to be happy with anyone else. But he still refuses to reveal himself.

I stopped talking to this person but on and off I would get lonely and need someone to talk to so I would go back to the person who I had spent so much time talking to because it was easy and comfortable. In the middle of 2018 my mom ended up finding the actual guy from the pictures he was currently using. At this point, I was dating someone new and luckily the catfish hadn't contacted him at all but that relationship was ruined all on its own due to cheating on the other persons behalf. So we contacted the guy from the photos to let him know that he was being impersonated and he said it had been going on for years. This catfish is a pro.

At this point I had to get a new phone number because he wouldn't leave me alone no matter how many times I told him I didn't ever want to hear from him again. Getting a new phone number helped. I was moving on and I was using a dating app and matched with a guy my age who said he was a nurse. We chatted for several hours and it seemed to be going too well, he said all the right things, we had a ton in common and then he said a few things that were huge red flags and I realized that the catfish was at it again using a third persons pictures.

We contacted the police and they said that they can't do anything unless he threatens me. He will never threaten me because he thinks he loves me but you can't love someone you've never met. This person knows where I live, he started going to my church, sending me pictures from inside my work but will never show his face or admit who he is.

Several times in between all of this, I was talking to a really great guy who on paper would be perfect for me but we felt more like friends than romantically connected. I leaned on him and he treated me very well but something was missing. I was still longing for a strong deep connection and felt awful that I wasn't giving him what he deserved. How was I feeling a deeper emotional connection with someone I had never met who was toxic to my life? How did I get caught up with someone else who would only end up cheating on me? I don't have those answers. Maybe I never will.

I have now moved completely on from this toxic part of my life but it still today weighs heavy on me. I wonder why I didn't cut it off sooner, why anyone would lie so many times to someone they claimed to care about, why I even cared to talk to this person. I don't know the answers. My walls are higher than they've ever been. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore, but one day I will meet someone who will make all of this craziness worth it.

With struggle comes strength.