I love you, but it's time for me to let you go...

I love you so much. I love you more than I love myself. For the longest time, I thought that was okay. I thought that was normal. I thought that's what people did in happy relationships. I wanted you forever, no matter what. No matter anything. And maybe I still do.

In the beginning, I was on cloud 9. I was floating so high, that nothing could have brought be back down to Earth. You won me over with everything you did. I would be surprised with coffees on my doorstep, tickets to our favorite sports games, or chicken soup when I felt sick. You went out of your way for me, and you took care of me.

I loved your spontaneity. Our adventures are some of my favorites. Whether it was going to a local antique shop, or traveling across the country, I just loved experiencing life with you. Our car rides were full of music, and deep conversations. It didn't matter if we were driving to McDonalds at 2:00am, or running errands, because those were the moments where we broke down each other's walls. We just talked and talked. We would talk on the phone for an hour about nothing and everything. I loved hearing your voice. You would talk about our future, and being together. You would talk about all the places you wanted to travel to together, and it made my heart swoon. Loving you feels like Summertime. But Summer doesn't last forever in the North.

For a long time, you made me feel special, you made me feel important, you made me feel wanted, and you made me feel loved. I was so, so happy.

...But something changed. I'm not sure what. And you don't do those things anymore.

You don't wake me feel wanted anymore, you don't make me feel loved, and you don't make me feel special. You don't send me sweet messages anymore, and you don't hold me like you used to. The music is a little too loud in the car now, making it impossible for conversation. You don't call me anymore to ask me about my day. Sometimes when we speak, I can see your mind is somewhere else, and I feel like a bother. You push and push me away, and just before I finally let go, you reel me back in. This cycle is painful. You knew that no matter what, you had me, and you had my heart.

I have tried so hard. I have tried so so hard to make you feel those feelings towards me again. To make you fall back in love. You gave me a taste of everything I didn't even know I wanted, and then took it away. I have tried so hard, and I have no energy left to give. I've tried cooking you dinners, telling you everyday how happy you make me, supporting your every move, and being there for you on your worst days. When you needed space, I would give you all the space in the world. And when you wanted me close, I was right by your side.

I can't do it anymore, and it completely breaks my heart. I don't know what changed your mind. But it has been changed, and things are too different now.

Everything you do captivates me. In a room full of hundreds of people, my eyes always find you. I am completely drawn to you. You lit a fire in my soul. I wish you could love me like that. I just wish you would love me. But you are unable to love in that way, and I have nothing else in my bag of tricks to convince you to do so. I hate how much I love you.

It's time for me to let you go. I want to hold on as tight as I can. I want to keep fighting for you, and fighting for us. But I can't. I'm too weak. I cannot love you more than I love myself anymore. That is not okay. My heart is shattered, and my body is in pain. Because at the end of the day, you are first thing I think of when I rise, and my final thought before I drift off to sleep. This will be some of the hardest pain that I endure, but I will be fine. I don't want to lose you. I want you in my life forever. You are one of my best friends. But you were just meant to be a chapter of my book, as I was for you. I will miss you so much. More than I can even explain. I know what I want, and what I deserve. I have to be strong for the both of us now, because neither of us can go on like this. I hope you think of me often, as I know I will think of you everyday. I hope you often revisit our memories, and I hope that maybe, just maybe, our two paths will cross again someday.