lately i’ve been thinking.
in the beginning it seemed like you were the perfect one, the actual one, you were all in all for me all for us. yeah we didn’t know much about each other but the way you made it seem you didn't need to know much more than the surface of me to know you wanted us. i was so nervous to say yes i was beyond scared of what you'd think if you saw the real me, the raw me.
yes i have anxiety, yes i struggle with depression, yes i have absolutely the worse days just as anyone else does. i even tried to tell you a little bit about it before and you were all in to accept it and handle it. i was so excited to start something with someone so invested in me, someone that worked so hard everyday to make me happy and wanted to do so. i was terrified you'd find out how i am and run away, i was so scared to just talk to you some days when i was feeling down because i didn't want you to think i was an issue.
sitting here looking back now it all did seem too good to be true.
relationships take effort, they take work and they are never easy or perfect. it's full of ups and downs and learning about someone is part of it. yes i understand baseball is a huge part of your life and that is so important to you to fulfill your dreams. trust me i want everything for you just as much as you do. i just didn't expect for one thing to go wrong and you run away faster than you came. it's like this whole thing flashed before my eyes and processing it is so hard.
i understand you don't want to be with me now and maybe you won't ever want to be with me ever again. but for your sake and whoever you end up with just know no ones perfect and everyone has a different side to them. you'll always have to work in a relationship because that's what it takes when two people are invested in one another and want to motivate the other to be better. i thought you'd be the one to love me harder and make me feel like i'm not as crazy as others made me feel. i thought you'd be the one to accept me for who i am. it's ok that i was wrong, i just wish i wasn't.
