mom, i'm sorry i hated you

Mom, I'm sorry for hating you.

Oh, boy did I hate you. There were days I absolutely could not stand you. Being a teenager is tough, everything is a life or death situation and being popular and well-liked was all that mattered. All I wanted to do was make my own decisions and take control of my own life, and you just couldn't let go. The fighting- there was so much fighting. You had this mold you were trying to fit me in, and I was not having it, period. I wanted to dress how I wanted, act how I wanted, and do what I wanted- I wanted to be my own person, and you just would NOT let that happen. Remember me screaming, 'I'm out of here the day I turn 18'? Mom, I hated you.

I did everything you told me not to. I drank, I smoked, I dated, I went to parties- I made stupid decisions constantly. I never pushed the envelope too far, but just far enough to where I wouldn't have to deal with long-term consequences. I listened to 'devil music' when you were around, even though my favorite artist was really John Mayer, and I wore thick eyeliner because I knew you hated how 'hard' it made me look.

Our relationship has been one crazy rollercoaster. Really high highs, and the lowest of lows. It's been roughly 10 years now and looking back; I cannot say that I regret any part of our journey. Yes, some of it sucked- really bad- but it made us who we are today. I think every girl goes through a phase where her mom is her worst enemy. That awkward phase between child and woman where your trying to find yourself, but can't quite seem to get it right.
I'm sorry for being a piece of shit for all those years. I'm sorry for all the nights I went to bed angry, and you went to bed with tears in your eyes. I'm sorry for all the stuff I did to intentionally make you angry and hurt you. But most of all, I'm sorry for never saying 'I'm sorry.'

No one loves and protects us as unconditionally as our mothers. This is something we will never understand until we become parents ourselves. As teenagers, we take that love for granted. Now, we are in our mid-twenties and realize how good we really had it. Adulthood and all the responsibilities that come with it have a funny way of making us appreciate our parents much more than we expected. I came home from work last night to a bag of vegetables on my back porch- it was like Christmas. VEGETABLES, GUYS. My mom dropped them off on her way home from work (really, how sweet is that). Granted, it has taken years to get to mend and heal the relationship that we have now. It is not something that can be accomplished overnight, but I promise it's one of the most worthwhile things you will ever do.

Unfortunately, there is no magic potion to fix it or to speed up those teen years, but with patience, understanding, and trust they can lead to a beautiful friendship.