He called you crazy because of something he did. No, you are not crazy. We have a serious problem is relationships that no one really seems to talk about. In our world, society feeds into the idea that "all women are crazy".And we, as women, are just kind of ok with it.
Let me be the first to say. We can we be crazy. We can be absolutely and utterly insane. We can do a drive-by on your house when you don't text us back quick enough or check constantly your social media activity to make sure everything lines up. I'll admit it, even though every girl won't. But that does mean we are crazy? Absolutely not .And we should never let anyone, especially some dude tell us we are.
Calling someone "crazy" isn't just someone literally saying the words, "you are crazy". Guys call us crazy in a lot of different ways. "You're over reacting". "You're dramatic." "You're emotional." Sound familiar? That's because chances are, if you've ever been in a relationship, someone has said these things to you, especially us ladies. The point it because a problem is when people say these things to you over something that they have done. And that right there, friends, is textbook manipulation.
If you've ever dated, you've probably been a victim of gaslighting. Gaslighting is probably one of the most dangerous forms of manipulation that probably everyone, even guys, have experienced. Gaslighting is when someone tries to confuse you that your reactions to what they do are so far off that you are crazy.
But how do guys continuously gaslight us and we just accept it?
About a week ago a friend asked me to write this post specifically about male manipulation. And I thought to myself, "why isn't this something we talk about more openly? We as women know men manipulate us?" It's simple. Our society has literally systematically set up to allow women to take the (theoretical) hit from the men in their lives. From how women are talked about, to how they are portrayed in the media, it has literally conditioned us to not only begin that think they we are crazy for having feelings about certain things, but it also takes away our voice. You can see it in almost everything women do today. From the over use of the words "I'm sorry" to the inability to have healthy confrontation when something is upsetting us. I personally believe that a lot of this stems from society and the inequality that men and women have today. Guys STILL look at women as objects, Guys STILL believe that women owe them something, to the way that pop culture allows women to be seen in the media and how we have been told women should be. We literally allow ourselves to be the "crazy moms" in movies and the "over protective" girl friends on the sitcoms. And we have just accepted it.
The first time I ever thought that I was "crazy" was when my ex boyfriend cheated on me... think about it... I, the one who was cheated on, thought I was crazy for reacting to being cheated on. In some horrifying way, he was able to make me feel crazy for finding out that he was cheating... textbook gaslighting. Textbook manipulation. Textbook abuse. It's a stigma that's hard for us to break because half of us don't even see the problem.
Do I blame guys for gaslighting us?
Honestly, no. I mean it makes sense. Strategically, when you can continuously get away with gaslighting, why would you stop? Better yet how could you stop if you don't even realize you're doing it?
Do I blame women for allowing men to gaslight us?
Once again, no. It's hard to even realize you're being manipulated when realistically, you've been conditioned to accept that we are as just "over reacting."
How do we fix the stigma of women being crazy?
1. SELF AWARENESS
Have ever been told if you call yourself stupid, you'll believe you're stupid? It's the same concept. Calling yourself crazy and allowing you to feel that way prevents you from actually wanting to speak up in fear that you will be "the crazy one". So stop calling yourself crazy for reacting just because someone doesn't like how you reacted.
2. WE HAVE TO STOP CALLING OTHER WOMEN CRAZY.
It's like the scene in mean girls. "We've got to stop calling ourselves sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call us sluts and whores." It's true. When you call another girl crazy, a guy will literally believe he has the right to do the same exact thing.
3. Recognize the fact that we as women are equal to men, even though society doesn't always see it that way.
We as women have learn, as much as men, that regardless of what society has told us in the past, men and women ARE in fact on the same wavelength and should be treated as such. Women and men both have some unlearning to do on preconceived notions of our roles in society.
Reacting when you're hurt, especially by someone you care about is healthy. Accepting the fact that you hurt someone and letting them feel is healthy, too. Don't take away someone's voice just because you're too much of a coward to deal with the fact that you were wrong.
"Don't let anyone make you think you're crazy because you have the courage to feel." -Mark Anthony
