One thing that they don't tell you about anxiety medication is that when you find the right medication with the perfect dosage, you feel GOOD. I mean, you still have life, stress, and everything else to worry about, but it doesn't seem to hit as hard. Anxiety medications can feel like wearing a coat in the winter. Is it still cold outside? Yes. Can you change that? No. But, with the coat, at least you're warm and protected from the cold- making sure the cold air doesn't hit you as badly. So, with the coat on, you feel pretty good. Sometimes, you forget that you're wearing the coat, or that you even need it since you've been warm for so long. When you take off the coat, you remember the reality that it is winter and that you cannot take off your coat whenever you feel like it without suffering the consequences and being hit by a cold gust of air right in the gut.

So, if you couldn't tell, the anxiety medications are the coat and the winter tends to be life's problems. I personally find it difficult to remember to take my medication every single day. I've never been good at doing anything daily unless it's an absolute requirement. And when you're feeling REALLY good, it becomes extremely difficult to be motivated to take them. It's when your brain won't shut up, you feel overwhelmed all of the time, and it's like you're gasping for one thought that makes sense. That's when you remember to take your medication. But does it help that when you're drowning, you tell yourself that you should have taken swimming lessons? Not exactly.

Medically speaking, you should NOT forget to take your antidepressants/ anxiety medication. It's SO BAD FOR YOU. In fact,

"Missing doses of sertraline may increase your risk for relapse in your symptoms. Stopping sertraline abruptly may result in one or more of the following withdrawal symptoms: irritability, nausea, feeling dizzy, vomiting, nightmares, headache, and/or paresthesias (prickling, tingling sensation on the skin). Depression is also a part of bipolar illness. People with bipolar disorder who take antidepressants may be at risk for "switching" from depression into mania. Symptoms of mania include "high" or irritable mood, very high self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, pressure to keep talking, racing thoughts, being easily distracted, frequently involved in activities with a large risk for bad consequences (for example, excessive buying sprees). Medical attention should be sought if serotonin syndrome is suspected. Please refer to serious side effects for signs/symptoms. (nami.org)

I just want to reiterate the first sentence: "MAY INCREASE YOUR RISK FOR RELAPSE IN YOUR SYMPTOMS" I am here to tell you that the website is not lying to you. I have found myself fixating on something that happened months ago that I could not control and blaming myself for it. Your brain can lie to you when you're not on your medication. I was not responsible for the actions of another human being deciding that they did not know what the word "no" meant. I was not responsible. But being off of my medication makes me replay that night over and over again finding places to blame myself. I have been struggling today.

Now, forgetting my medication for a while means that my mind is constantly racing, I'm overthinking everything, I'm so insecure all of a sudden, and I almost made a big decision regarding someone else that I would have regretted for the rest of my life.

To calm my mind down, there have been two constant songs that I've been blasting. Glory to Glory by Hillsong and Scandal Of Grace (I'd Be Lost) by Hillsong United. They have been on a loop, shared on my Instagram story, and shared with friends of mine. I find Jesus hides in the lyrics of songs sometimes.

I realized how much I need Jesus today. I need him when I'm feeling great and taking my medication, and I need him when I cannot think straight and I haven't taken it in days. I need Him always. I want to get my next tattoo on my wrist to I can remember that. I give the event "forgetting to take your anxiety/ antidepressant medication" a -2 out of 10. I'm grateful to have such a good Heavenly Father who loves us even when we run out into the cold without a coat on.