When you've been working on something for the last three months, it seems like it would be multiple pages long and filled with vast amounts of knowledge. This on the other hand, is not that. This is something that many people need to hear and honestly, it's the hardest thing to hear. You cannot control everything and trying to do so will drive you crazy. Possibly the most hypocritical thing I could ever tell anyone because that is me. I try and control everything. For as long as I can remember, I have tried to control absolutely everything there is about life.
I hate seeing people upset, I hate seeing people in pain. Reading that over though, a lot of us are like that, some more than others. We are known in the psychological world as empaths, people who will do anything and everything for others and emphasize so much with them that they feel it as well. We try so hard to take on the world's problems and it just doesn't work. Every single time something is out of our control, we panic trying to think of anything to do to fix it, we can't.
The first time I realized that I can't control everything in this life is when my dad was diagnosed with a heart problem. Every single day since, I've constantly thought of something, absolutely anything in order to fix it, to make every bit of his troubles go away. It has been almost 4 years, and I have not come up with a single thing, because I can't control the world. Even now I try, I haven't stopped trying, I fully don't think I ever will stop trying, but I can't control the world. I fear of losing him every single day, but I can't control that.
My grandfather was bed ridden since I was twelve years old. Severe dementia and a non-cancerous brain tumor. Every day I would try and jog some sort of his memory. Try and try but still, nothing. The reason being, I can't control the world. I tried every single day all the way up to his passing to do everything I could. When he died, it hurt more than anything possibly could because I felt like I could do more. There was nothing I could do to begin with, because I can't control the world.
I am in love with the greatest woman there is in this world. Every single day she is the brightest light in my life and honestly will always be. I can't take away her problems. I can't take away her pain. I can't take away anything that causes her to not always be happy and it hurts. It hurts because when you love someone so much all you ever want to do is take away their pain and bring that all on to yourself because you can't bear to ever see them hurting. I can't control anything, even though every single day I wish I could. I still will never stop trying to do so because I love her, I love her more than words can ever be said.
The day I realized that I can't control everything is every single day. I can't control the world's problems. I can't fix the hurt of every single person who I love. I can't control a single thing because I am not God. The only thing we can control in our lives is being there. It hurts, it sucks, because all you want to do is take the hurt and the pain away and you can't, you must sit there and listen, because sometimes that's all you can ever do. No one can control the world all alone, no matter how hard any of us try to. I wish I could take away the hurt, I wish I could take away the pain, but I can't. I've been driving myself crazy for 22 years thinking every single day that I could, hiding behind a smile to hide everyone's hurt, you can't do that, I can't do that, none of us can do that. All we can do is breathe.
There are many things in life we can control. How we act, how we love, and how we communicate with others. Those are the basics, the little things, because when it comes to the larger things, we can't control them. In life though, there are so many little things that make up for all the big things that the little one's become the most important. So, tell that person you love them. Go out to dinner with your parents. Spend time with your grandparents. All of us have so little time on this earth, so why are we trying to control everything all the time?
