Who am I? That's a question I've been trying to find the answer to the last few years, and at 46 years old, it's a difficult question to answer. My son is 22 years old, and my daughter is 16 years old, so hanging out with mom is not on their to-do list. I think it has hit me more this past year since my daughter got her license. When my son got his license, I was able to devote my time to my daughter. But, now who am I?
This was the question I asked two years ago, who am I? I have been so tied up in my kids' life that I forgot who I was and what some of my dreams were. I had to start my journey into the future by looking at my past. What was the one thing I enjoyed doing? The answer was easy, writing. I've enjoyed writing for a long time whether it was journaling, poetry, or stories. It was the one thing that made me feel good about myself. I even continued to write in journals for my kids about things happening in their lives at different periods of time.
So two years ago I began my journey to figure out what I wanted to do with writing, I mean I've never shared my writings with anyone. So I decided to go back to school and pursue my interest in English and Writing, in doing so I rediscovered my love for writing. I also found a little bit of myself.
I don't regret the amount of time that I focused on my kids, because they are literally my heart. To be able to say that I was available to my kids at some of the most amazing times in their lives is something I will never regret. I knew the friends that my kids hung out with, and both of my kids have been open about talking to me. I am so blessed to have had the experience with them. I can't wait to watch their adventures in life, but I know I won't always be a participant but become an observer in their lives.
But, I wish I had been a little bit more selfish for me, maybe I wouldn't feel so lost. Sometimes its hard to figure out where mom ends and Samantha begins. I'm struggling with that right now, its hard to celebrate my successes because I never what to outshine my kids, but I would love to sparkle just a bit.
Pursuing my dream of writing is something that has become my sparkle. My advice to moms just beginning, don't lose who you are, make time for your dreams. The more your kids see you happy with yourself the happier they can be with themselves.
