Is he playing with my emotions?

You came into my life when I was struggling to gain self-respect after recovering from countless toxic situations. I had been emotionally damaged and drained over a period of three years. I didn't want you to know I felt empty but was slowly gaining feeling with each of our conversations.

Our relationship was a product of social media. We connected, exchanged numbers, and planned to meet for the first time. As soon as I stepped foot into your place, I felt an instant attraction. Your eyes were a stunning shade of blue and your smile was pure perfection. You spoke confidently and with a bit of an accent, but admitted you were nervous. You hoped that I would want to see you again. I did. We talked about random pieces of our lives for hours until I had to go. You asked me to come back the next day.

Everything was normal for a few weeks. We texted, FaceTimed, sent Snapchats, shared memes, and hung out constantly. Maybe that was the problem. Too much togetherness. I was happy though and I thought you were too. Most of that happiness, however, drained from my body when you kicked me out of your place so that your friends from back home could spend the night. I went home feeling unwanted and unneeded. I should've figured you didn't share my feelings after that night.

It got worse in the next few weeks. I was still hurt from that night and wanted to know how you really felt about me. We were walking to my car after a night of hanging out and I asked if you saw yourself in a relationship with me. You said you weren't even sure you wanted a relationship and then proceeded to tell me about the girls that hurt you in the past. What was left of my heart was shattered into pieces. I wanted to give my all to you and you wanted to be on your own.

I decided to end things a week after our talk and a week before your birthday. I didn't consider how you felt because I really didn't know for sure. All I knew was that I was hurting more being with you than I was being without you. I told you that I thought we should stop talking. You didn't put up a fight and I knew it was time to move on. I couldn't put myself through the pain any longer. Wondering how you truly felt about me was hurting and confusing me more and more the longer I held on.

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