When I was younger, I was promised a lot of things. I was promised guitar lessons, and trips, and new things. I was promised life long friendships and forever relationships. I was promised so many things and received very few. I learned from movies and books that a promise meant something, but I learned from real life that people don’t take promises as seriously as they used to. I learned to take everything with a grain of salt, and I hated that I had to do so. So I made a promise to myself when I was young that I would never make a promise that I wasn’t one hundred percent committed to keep.

I decided when I promised friends that I would always be there for them that that promise didn’t come with conditions. And it was still valid years after the end of our friendship and even after major fights or betrayals. And I’ve had people take advantage of this, and come to me when they need me and then throw me away again when they don’t. And though it hurts, the promise never expires and I’ll pick myself back up and wait for the time that they need me once again.

I am a firm believer in second chances. And maybe that makes me stupid or a pushover but I don’t think that that is something that I will ever change about myself. I believe in always giving somebody the benefit of the doubt, no matter what I’ve heard about them or what their reputation might be. And maybe that’s why I get hurt so often. Maybe my life would be easier if I avoided the people I was warned about or if when someone hurt me, I cut them out of my life completely.

But every time I’m about to I always think about the times when people have misinterpreted my actions, or when I’ve hurt someone that I’ve cared about deeply. I’ve thought about how much I wanted a second chance to prove that I am so much more than my mistakes or my past. I’ve thought about the times when they promised me that they would always be there for me, and I wonder to myself if that promise is still valid. I wanted so badly for someone to give me the benefit of the doubt and the time to show them that I am not who they say I am. And so with that feeling fresh in my mind, I let people in again and again. And sometimes it’s for the better and I gain the opportunity to see someone I care about be the person they truly are and want to be. And other times I get hurt and I am left once again to pick up the pieces. And I’ll keep picking them up…again and again. And I know that sounds stupid. And I hear my friends when they tell me I’m too nice or a pushover. And even though I know that I’m being taken advantage of, I can’t help it. I made a promise not only to them but also to myself and I refuse to break that promise. Because even though it hurts, I know that I would want someone to do the same for me.