Vacations are different after you lost a family member.
We are making new memories instead of repeating old traditions.
When I was a kid I remember loving going on vacations with my dad, sister, and mom. We went to the same two places every year: Hemlock Hall (the Adirondacks) and Disney World. It was the time of my life.
After my dad passed away, every year we started going to different places. From Aruba to Puerto Rico, Switzerland, and France we were all across the board. It's fun being with my sister and mom but it has never the same.
There will always be that empty chair at the dinner table. We are making new memories instead of repeating old traditions. Taking pictures are different because they are mostly selfies since mom isn't as great as a photographer as dad was. Plus, they are always two or three people in the picture instead of four. Also, it's hard to take part in the conversation because there is an odd amount of people. With four people, two and two can talk. But with three, someone always feels like a third wheel. We fight over the chance to talk and it's just never the same. And it's three girls now, so dangerous cities are scarier without a man. The family feel is different, it's more of a friendship than two kids and two parents. And yes, it's hard to get used to.
Of course, I'm having fun, but it's just different. Today, I'm in Michigan because my mom and I went to visit my sister. My sister lives in Michigan with her boyfriend during the summers. It amazes me how she is still with her boyfriend of 5 years. They started dating in high school but went to colleges on different sides of the country. And they are still going strong. Relationship goals.
After an only hour flight to Michigan, we are driving 5 hours to get to Mackinac island.
We used to drive from New Jersey to Florida- a 24-hour ride. Sounds like a disaster with young kids, right? It was actually really fun, we watched movies the entire time and dad was always very into the movies; we even fought over what kid movie to watch. His favorite was always "The Rookie", and we watched it every time. And I named my dog Rookie after he died.
This 5-hour car ride feels long and lonely. No movies. No laughter. Just phones and the radio.
When we finally arrived at the island the fun began! We rented bikes and rode around the entire island- an hour and a half ride. My dad was a cyclist, so it felt like we were honoring him by doing what he loved. Whenever I am riding fast down a hill and standing up on my bike, with the wind on my back, I feel his presence. It's like he's pushing me forward. Helping me up the hard hills and making the downhills even more fun and liberating. It's a metaphor for my life, too.
The island we stayed at in Michigan is also known for its chocolate and fudge. My dad wasn't a workaholic he was a chocoholic. And I am 100% chocolate obsessed. I guess bike riding and chocolate runs in my blood.
My dad also loved lighthouses and there were plenty of them there. Also, we went on a boat ride at night, which he loved. My mom's favorite song "To Make You Feel My Love" played while we were on the boat. We had heard nothing but country up until then, and when that song came on we knew it was a sign from my dad. He is watching and although he is missing out on the fun I'd like to think maybe he is living vicariously through us.
When my mom booked the hotel she knew it was called Bicycle Inn and that it might be triggering for me. I had to think about it, but once she said how nice the hotel was I said that it would be okay if we stayed there. Although it was definitely hard seeing bikes everywhere in the hotel and people riding everywhere. In fact, there were no cars allowed on the island. Something my dad would have loved! Actually a word stronger than loved, which I cannot find.
All in all, this vacation wasn't the easiest but it was all worth it for the amazing views, bike rides, chocolate, and the feeling of my dad's presence.
