My skin is white. However, my life is one big melting pot of love and beautiful colors. Much like the blooming flowers of spring, there is so much beauty conveyed in the varying colors of skin pigment. I purposely stated my skin is white, instead of saying "I am white" because being white seems to be more of a state of mind—a negative mentality these days. I am not ashamed of who I am, I'd just rather identify as a normal human being who loves everyone, instead of associating with the very terms and phrases that currently haunt my life, and even my family. The Civil Rights Act was put in place 52 years ago, with the purpose of ending segregation, and this was a hopeful step in the right direction to end racism in America. However, our society seems to be drowning in the very same struggles that were once fought by the great Dr. King, all over again. Unfortunately for the youth of today, the saying "history has a way of repeating itself" is becoming much of a reality.
I am the mother of three, very beautiful biracial children. They all have varying skin tones and hair textures that make them unique and extraordinary. We have an interracial family, and we spend time with all of us coming together. We all show love and support one another or varying levels, and I make sure to instill this sense of unity and acceptance within my children. Watching them grow has been such a blessing, with no worries or hiccups, until recently.
My oldest daughter has a very thick, full and gloriously beautiful afro. I do her hair myself every single week and it comes out great, with my less than intermediate skills. I never would have expected a single ponytail would make my daughter self-conscious. In a rush one morning, I was fixing her hair and she had asked me to put it in a bun. Upon questioning her concerns, she told me some boys on the bus had made fun of her hair 'poof'. She also said that kids couldn’t see over her hair during circle time in class and it made her self-conscious. This had my emotions in a fit of outrage. How can children be so cruel? I fixed her hair as she wished for her own comfort for the day, but explained to her how beautiful she is and the importance of self-love.
Soon enough, I would learn that this stigma about her hair was still eating at her. With a single braid in the front, I tried to have her wear her hair out and full for the day. This caused panic followed by a meltdown. What was happening to my child to cause her to be so afraid of her hair? So many emotions were running through me, and all I wanted to do was cry out for my daughter. Did I fail as a parent? Was I naïve to the status of our sociocultural system today, and what that would mean for my children as they grow older?
As my 5-year-old now begins to question the color of her own skin and why she feels her skin color is not 'the right color', I fear that my naiveté may be ringing true. As both of my daughters struggle with their identity and self-esteem in a mixed, but predominately white school, I am realizing that living a life fueled by pure love and self-acceptance is not going to be enough to get them through this could-be crisis.
In the book, "Raising Biracial Children," the authors "argue that biracial girls face even tougher circumstances. Given the double hammer of racial and patriarchal standards imposed by society, Black and mixed-race girls struggle with self-worth in the face of sociocultural messages that value only a White standard of beauty." When did the standard beauty become defined by the color of one's skin? More importantly, why is there even a standard of beauty? We are all taught, from a young age, that everyone is unique and to embrace ourselves as we are, yet illusory standards for of beauty are exalted in our society. The fight for gender equality is a big enough fight for women, adding the stereotypes against skin color to the issue is enough to send anyone's self-worth down the tubes. It is not comforting knowing that this is something my girls have to face in the future. How does a parent begin to prepare a child for such a thing?
In the year 2000, The U.S. Census Bureau concluded that 4 percent of children in the country were multiracial. With multiracial children being one of the fastest growing segments in our population, this number is expected to reach 21 percent by the year 2050, according the AAMFT. This perpetuated growth is due to the increase of interracial relationships and marriages. "In the United States, marriages between blacks and whites increased 400 percent in the last 30 years," states the AACAP. With such an outlandishly high increase, one would think there would be a reduction in the stigma relating to 'white skin privilege'. Sadly, this is something still being fought with no end in sight. I continue holding onto hope that as my children grow older and the multiracial population increases, with it will come more self-acceptance.
As a species, we need to teach love and spread acceptance. The color of skin should not be a measuring factor of a person's worth. Children notice differences, but these differences do no matter to them at first sight. Children are taught judgment and stigma, whether it be from family or what they are exposed to through the media. Monitoring what your children take in, and teaching them to live life giving love, is the kind of parenting our future is crying out for. No child deserves to feel less than any other child because of who they are or what they look like. We are one human race, and this fact needs to become more prevalent in society. Fight the good fight and take steps to diminish the stigma of white skin being the right skin. Our future generations depend on it!
