How To Stop Looking For Happiness In Others
Start writing a post

How To Stop Looking For Happiness In Others

Stop relying on others for your own satisfaction.

How To Stop Looking For Happiness In Others

Being in a loving relationship and finding that middle ground between completely depending on the other person and being entirely self-absorbed and absent can be the most difficult thing in your life. It's a balance to practice and acknowledge the areas that can either lead you into a trap of either hanging on to every little word people say or do in response to you, or becoming a cold robot that essentially has no feelings. Believe it or not, having the middle ground is achievable.

Many people enter a relationship expecting it to make all of their woes go away and provide eternal fulfillment. Not even a relationship, some people enter nights thinking that they need the satisfaction of someone flirting or potentially getting with that person that night. People think that a night is ruined if they don't end up getting with someone or seem interested or intriguing by someone. By looking for satisfaction or happiness that way, you will always be disappointed. Whether you get with that person or you don't, the real problem that's occurring is that you feel the need to look for validation in others and not within yourself.

Good news is that you can escape that state of mind by starting from a simple realization: our true happiness cannot be found in others, rather we have to look inside ourselves to find it. The path to reclaiming your happiness and possibly saving your relationship can be broken down into several steps.

1. Start looking for happiness within you, not those around you.

We are often conditioned to seek happiness in things that surround us. After all, much of the modern economy revolves around the cycle of generating and satisfying needs with things. The answer lies in realizing that people are not things to fulfill our voids. Their job is not to make us happy — they are probably struggling just as hard as themselves. If I've learned one thing at all this year, it's that the only thing that can continue to make you happy is you and not others.

2. Get comfortable being on your own.

Just sit and listen to your thoughts. “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love someone else” they say and for a reason — because it’s a simple truth. If you're insecure, you can't expect someone else to solve that for you. It doesn't matter how many times your boyfriend, girlfriend, friends or family tell you how special and amazing you are as a person. At the end of the day, the only person to change your thinking is you.

3. Start creating and explore your potential, because you have it.

It’s not uncommon for people to “hide” in a relationship, afraid of really giving their all and achieving their potential. Not just relationships, but hiding in general. You were beaten down to believe that you can't do things and your insecurities have you believing that lie. You have so much potential in ways that you couldn't even imagine. The key is to break the cycle and start an activity — join a cooking class, work on your fitness level or start creating music. Think of something that you could never see yourself doing in a million years, and do it. You'll be surprised what you learn from yourself and your abilities. Any activity that draws creativity from you and teaches you about yourself can help you. Once you experience the joy of doing something really well and learning from your mistakes, you will be less prone to depending on others to fulfill you.

4. Complain less

Notice the moment when you jump into that “whine mode” and stop yourself right away. Instead of focusing on the negative, drill yourself to draw your attention to the positive, however silly it may sound. Soon enough, you will rewire your thought patterns and suffer the burden of complaining a lot less. Ever heard of the expression "fake it 'til you make it"? The more you try to get yourself to believe something, the more likely it is that it will happen. If you don't feel confident, pretend that you are until you gain the experience or tools necessary that it is all for being the person that you want to become.

5. Stop being so needy

Also, notice the moment when you are being needy with people. Become aware of how the pattern repeats and then train yourself to break it the next time. Sure, we should rely on others at times, but you have to be independent with your life and your emotions, as well. Being dependent is great, but the point where you get overly-dependent is when there is a problem. Over-dependency is when you find yourself struggling to return the emotional independence when needed. For a lot of people, it means worrying and obsessing over what everyone thinks of them, especially in a social setting.

Now, I'm not saying that these are easy to achieve. In fact, they're quite hard. However, if we challenge ourselves by trying to complete these major aspects every day, maybe we can actually enjoy ourselves, feel happy and not look for satisfaction through others. Once you're happy with yourself and your life, you won't believe how great it feels to go out to that party or to dinner with people. Everything you once relied on to feel better about yourself vanishes and there is no more constant anxiety over yourself.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Being a pharmacy technician never held as many risks as it does now. Exposure too hazardous conditions were little to none, and garbing up was only conducted in IV compounding. But, now, in order to give nurses the medications they need to help their patients, they need us, pharmacy technicians.

Keep Reading... Show less

First and foremost, shame on you for encouraging the patriarchy and sexism as you police a female's clothing choices. You cannot control our bodies, but what you can advocate for is public health and safety. This includes demoralizing rape, slut-shaming, and protecting society from illness.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

Picture this, we're settling into our date, the conversation is flowing, we're ordering drinks, laughing, and then it happens... the job convo.

Him: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a dating and relationships editor."

Keep Reading... Show less

I've always been a huge Disney villain fan — whether it was for their cryptic one-liners, enviable outfits, or sidekick banter. Some of the most iconic lines from cinematic history have been said by the characters we love to hate and occasionally dress up as once a year.

The fear-mongering Gaston I now find hilariously cringe-worthy is now charming and oftentimes considered by fans as rightfully justified in his actions. Die-hard fans of the Disney villain fan club claim alternate egos in their favorite evil characters, adopting their hilarious witticisms into everyday life.

Keep Reading... Show less

- I have extremely sensitive skin, which is why I have always resorted to a plant-based organic beauty line such as Radha Beauty.

- Radha Beauty won me over years ago when I was looking for organic skincare brands.

- I was so excited to see they launched a new line incorporating USDA organic rosehip oil, so when their PR team sent me some, I could not have been more thrilled.

- After a week of using the products, my face felt as smooth as a baby's, looked more glowy than ever, and even cured some of my summer sunburn.

Radha Beauty isn't just a best-selling beauty brand on Amazon — it's a USDA-certified organic beauty brand I live by, and anyone who knows me knows I am all about holistic wellness.

Typically, it only takes three days for me to tell if a skin product is working or not because I have extremely sensitive skin. It's also why I have always stuck by plant-based organic beauty lines such as Radha Beauty.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anyone who goes to Panera Bread will tell you that their mac and cheese is to die for. If you're a huge fan of their mac and cheese, you won't believe the new recipe they're coming out with!

Keep Reading... Show less

I have definitely had my fair share of breakups. I broke up with my high school sweetheart my second semester of college (he was cheating on me), I had a breakup with another guy I thought I was going to marry, and others in between. Regardless of whether you're the one doing the dumping or being dumped, breakups can HURT.

Keep Reading... Show less

I Asked My Boyfriend His Opinion On Liking Other Girls’ Pictures, And, Spoiler Alert, It's Cheating

"When you get into a relationship and you're in love, you have to realize that liking photos is for the single lifestyle."

Ladies, listen up. If you are in a relationship with a guy and he is liking other girls' pictures on social media, then it's a red flag. A man who can look at someone else and show interest by liking it means he doesn't care about your feelings AT ALL.

Keep Reading... Show less

Epic Activewear Deals Every Leggings-Lover Needs To Know About From Nordstrom's Biggest Sale

Wearing my pleather Alo leggings till someone physically removes them from my body.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not an athletic person, at all. Since junior high school, I've been happily cheering my friends on at their football games and soccer matches from the sidelines as long as I could go home to my yoga mat and spend Sunday mornings at Pilates with my mom's friends.

Weekends are often spent in my casual wear, from the second I throw them on for morning meditation through running errands and evening walks. No, I won't be running a marathon or joining my friend's volleyball league anytime soon.

Keep Reading... Show less

TikTok was banned by the president, but Instagram is here with its newest feature called Reel. Many of us are still wondering why TikTok was being banned in the first place. Was it all the dangerous TikTok trends? It was because of a security concern, but not in the way you might think.

TikTok is owned by Dancebyte, which is a China-owned company. Basically, just like any other app, TikTok collects the user's data. The main question to ask yourself when investing in any app or marketing tools who will be owning my data? So yes, China currently owns all the TikTok user's data worldwide.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Reasons To Put The Damn Mask On, And Stop Fussing With It

COVID-19 is real people, do your part to protect yourself and others.

Ilana Stein

With the ever-changing reality of our world due to COVID-19, there has been one constant throughout these past unforeseen months, masks. Ever since coronavirus hit the ground running in the US, the CDC has been recommending social distancing and mask-wearing to stop the rapid spread.

Many people have been great about adhering to these policies, mandates, and suggested uses, but others, not so much.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been an athlete my entire life. I love movement and I've been jumping, kicking, swimming, dancing, throwing, you name it since I was in diapers. I'm also pretty competitive and probably went through a few sore loser phases. What can I say? I like to win, and losing can sometimes feel like I've failed. Especially, when your competitor is your best friend or someone that you worked all year long to defeat.

Keep Reading... Show less

Social media is something many of us have been addicted to (whether we want to believe it or not) since the moment we got it. I remember getting Facebook at 10. Instantly I was hooked. I loved being able to share my life with people, a little too much in my opinion, and I loved being able to see how/what other people were doing all the time.

Keep Reading... Show less

I am not in any way any sort of medical expert. These are just some tricks that work for me and have worked for others who also suffer from anxiety. These may not work for everyone, but I do hope these help some people in their fight against anxiety.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments