Disclaimer: This is all good natured humor, of course.

1. Look at all the work you've been procrastinating on.

When you sit back and let it hit you all at once and realize that you aren’t, and probably will never be, that model student you vowed to be in the beginning of the quarter. You’re just a procrastinator.

2. Apply to jobs and hear back from none of them.

Worse than a rejection because they didn't even bother telling you you didn't make it. The moment when you sit back and contemplate what went wrong, and have to move onto plan M of your life. Plan A, B, C, D... (you get the picture) have already been attempted.

3. Check your bank account.

I have the Chase app on my phone but never check it. Why put myself through unnecessary chest pain? The moment of truth will come on the receipt when I make a *gulp* withdrawal. Judge Judy is me.

4. Go on LinkedIn and stalk past classmates.

The surefire way to make you feel unsuccessful if you aren't already! Seeing accomplished people who have their lives together, people who have internships stacked upon internships with experience that is longer than my entire college career. People partnering with big companies and getting hired by them, and then being forced to watch my computer screen go black, seeing my own reflection staring back at me. I got nothing, it says.

5. Think about the future and figure out how to live a lavish life with no salary.

This could take a while.