She will be exhausted — all of the time. Her illness will be her secret she carries within her, a silent and taxing burden. Other than a circle of friends, family, and you, no one will ever know she’s sick or hurting.
Unlike a cold, where symptoms are annoying, a bit uncomfortable, and an inconvenience, chronic illness wears the sufferer like a tight jacket. Its presence is always painfully known. Her chronic pain will never be fleeting, but will surround her to the point of suffocation.
She will be frustrated. She will feel hopeless. Her body is plotting against her, but do not make a villain of her illness. If there were a knife that could sever the pain from her body, know that she would have wielded the blade years ago. She is not her illness, but it envelopes her. You do not need to love her illness to love her.
Work and school will take everything out of her. The day is a ravenous tax collector. Her body will just barely have the sum to cover the debt. Try your best to let her restore what the day has taken in her own way, in her own time.
She will not want to cancel your plans, but sometimes she will need to. Do not punish her for what she cannot control, rather aid in her small recoveries.
You will feel frustrated and you will sometimes feel hopeless. There is nothing you can do to help her recover or remove the pain. You mean more to her than you know, and patiently being there for her is the best medicine. Your presence, your words, and your time is what she needs to heal and feel safe when the pain threatens to bury her.
The good days will be golden. If her chronic illness does not clutch at her throat for a few hours, celebrate the victory together. Watch her explode into the true person she can be without the pain. Love her deeply in those moments and in the hardest hours of her suffering.
If you can, be her rock she anchors to when the illness is all consuming, and the light in her life when things seem dim. You will see her strength through the pain and love her for her ability to endure. Tell her just that. She needs your words.
Speak kind words. Speak words to erase the exasperation of the people in her life whose words have not been so warm.
In return for those words of kindness, the long nights with little sleep, the many doctor's visits, and the patience that is so important, she will give all of her love to you — and at times, that is all she has.
