Do you have times when you look in the mirror and you're disgusted by your reflection? Have you ever questioned any, or all, of your decisions, wondering if you would be somewhere else in life if you would've chosen another path? Have you ever felt so worthless that you've ever thought "who could ever love me"? Have you ever thought that it would be easier for everyone if you weren't here?
And if you said yes to any of these questions or have doubted yourself in any way, I've got something to say to you.
You're beautiful. You're successful. You're intelligent. You're worthy. You're ENOUGH.
I'm going to be honest with you- well partially. I've experienced all of these at least once in my life; some more than others. And I know that I'll ask these questions again. Hell, I know I'm going to experience one of them tomorrow. But let me tell you something. What got me through it all wasn't friends or family or a therapist or anyone else. I got myself through it. I'm not saying that if you need these things to get through a tough time that you're weak- I'm actually saying the opposite. Because you're brave.
Every time I have a huge break down, I seclude myself. I don't let anyone see me at my lowest point. That's just who I am. I have this philosophy that I'm the strong friend, the strong family member, because I tend to be the one that a lot of people come to when they're down. I throw motivation and support around like confetti when people need it. After I provide a shoulder for someone to cry on, I remind them who they are and why I love them so much. I remind them that even bad b*tches have bad days and it makes us human.
Because I'm such a strong person for other people and wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't want these people to see me at my weakest point. I wouldn't want them to think less of me. And I know I can't be the only one who does that.
When I'm on my bed, sitting against a wall, or laying on the floor drowning in my own tears for whatever reason, I feel powerless. Weak. I feel like I've failed everyone somehow even when I've done nothing that would make me logically think that. But you know what? That's normal. Everyone has experienced that, and if they haven't, they will- whether they admit to it or not.
What gets me through everything is to remind myself of everything I've done right; all the obstacles that I successfully overcame. I think of the people that I know actually care about me. I ask myself "how would *family member who I looked up to* look at me if they saw me right now?". I ask myself "would my child-self be proud of me?". I ask myself "why am I even thinking like this?". Eventually that stuff piles on and I feel better again (I know it's harder for other people. Mine may seem like a walk in the park in comparison). I look at myself in the mirror that I once used for judgment and now use for acceptance. The tears stop cascading down my face and I wipe away the black streaks that my mascara left behind and I stare at my reflection. I remind myself that I'm strong, unstoppable, and fierce.
And you know what? You are too.
You deserve all the best things in life; hell, even a chance at them. You deserve a bright future with whatever you want to be. You deserve to be loved because you're amazing- and someone WILL notice that one day. You deserve to love what you see, inside and out.
Remind yourself that you're worthy of happiness. Worthy of all the good things that life has to offer.
You need to look in the mirror and realize that you're beautiful. You need to tell yourself that the path you've chosen is a good one and you need to make the best of it. You need to realize that you DO have someone who loves you- and that maybe the significant other you're looking for is closer than you think. You NEED to stop having those horrid thoughts because your loss would do more harm than good.
You need to remind yourself that you're a bad-ass, strong, unstoppable, fierce woman and you deserve the world.
And if anyone else is making you feel inferior, you need to remind them WHO YOU ARE AND WHO THEY ARE TALKING TO. Embrace your inner bad b*tch and set her free. No one deserves to touch your crown, honey. Make them think twice before they even dare to look at it.
I know it can be hard. And we all experience it differently. I know. But the only thing standing in the way of all of this is you; you can change your perspective if you try. Depression kicks our asses sometimes, but it's not about how you fall. It's about how you pick yourself back up.
You've got this, girl.