It was roughly three years ago during my junior year of college when I experienced a rough break-up, the type of break up where you find yourself crippled on the bathroom floor at 2-am, sobbing and shaking endlessly to the idea that you had just lost the "love" of your life. I spent a month in bed, lost 15-lbs, almost dropped out of school and threatened my running scholarship for my senior year. Everything I was and had was almost sacrificed for a boy who didn't value me, who mocked me and silently walked away without an explanation. Since that time, I have learned that I was only in love with the idea of marriage and that I never actually loved him, that I am capable of being loved for exactly as I am and that I will never need the approval of a man to give my life purpose and meaning. Although I have moved on and have found someone who values and loves me despite all my psychological flaws, there are times I still find myself haunted by the lack of closure I got from the relationship. And from this experience, I have developed some insecurity when other people have just silently walked out of my life without an explanation. I have found myself wanting to scream, wanting confrontation, or just some type of explanation for why I am not good enough to stay in their lives.
Individuals walking out of others' lives is a normal human experience we all go through at one point or another, but the truth of the matter is that it hurts when we are not given a reason for it. It hurts because it is a form of rejection, the quietest form, yet also the loudest. We as humans do not react well to rejection, partly because it makes us internalize ourselves and question our worth through the eyes of those who do not see the value we possess. One of my favorite authors and speakers' Lysa TerKeurst wrote in her book, "Uninvited," that "rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what's been said to me." Rejection, although it hurts, cannot always be avoided. When we experience rejection, we cannot become consumed with the entanglement of lies about ourselves that come with it. The point is that rejection will come, but we can choose to not allow it to steal the essence of our self-worth. Not everyone will see or value you for who you are, but their rejection does not define who you are, Jesus and yourself define who you are.
So, what do we do when someone we love walks out and blocks our number? What do we do when a friend stops speaking to us? What do we do when a parent or child distance themselves from us? What do we do when we are all alone and feel unworthy because someone has silently rejected us? We stand tall, we smile and we allow them to have the last word. The truth is that we do not need an explanation for why someone no longer wants us apart of their lives because it doesn't define who we are. Not everyone is meant to be apart of our lives forever, but when we love and accept ourselves exactly as we are, then we will attract the right people. The right people will love you for you, even when you are a hot mess, cry hysterically over the smallest thing, spill red wine all over the walls, bring home a 4-lb chihuahua, blast annoying country music at 6 am, and when you feel unworthy.
So, let that person go, let them have the last word, and always remember to straighten your crown and remind them who they are dealing with.
"I'm not who that guy says I am. I'm not who that girl says I am. I'm not who social media likes and comments say I am. I'm not who the grades, to-do lists, messes, and mess-ups say I am. I'm not who the scale says I am or the sum total of what my flaws say I am. I'm going to stop flirting with the unstable things of this world so I can fall completely in love with You. I am loved. I am held. I am Yours. I am forever Yours." The more intimacy like this that I have with God, the more secure my true identity is." Lysa TerKeurst