It’s hard living with roommates. Trust me, I’ve had my share of trouble. Whether you are in dorms, apartments or a house, messy roommates are something that you are going to have to live with. Sometimes it can get aggravating, coming home to a messy living space when all you want to do is relax and unwind from your busy day. Don’t get angry—most students have a similar problem, and you are most definitely not alone. Keep in mind that this is most likely the first time that your roommates are living on their own and they might not know how to clean properly or take care of themselves, so here is some advice on how to deal with messy roommates.
The best thing that you can is to be a good role model. Make sure that you wash your dishes and take out the trash so that your roommates follow your lead. If you make a mess, then they too will think that it's OK to be messy. If you always keep your own area clean, then your roommates will not question your authority or have any right to argue back or point fingers. Start off on good terms and make sure that everyone does their part in keeping your home clean. The first few days and weeks in your new home will set the stage for the next year, so make sure you set the rules and display how you think your home should look.
Another important aspect is to set rules. At first this may not seem important, especially if you are moving in with friends, but eventually you will be happy that you set them up. A whiteboard in the common area is often used to write notes, rules, and personal updates. Perhaps organize a roommate meeting when you first move in and set down ground rules. For example: Wash dishes within 24 hours, wipe down countertops after usage, take turns taking out the trash, don’t slam doors, etc. Regardless of how basic the rules are, it is important to list anything that could have the potential to bug you. My roommate the other night was cooking in the kitchen at midnight, blasting music on her speakers and managed to set off our fire alarms. After this incident, we decided to set up a “no cooking after 11 p.m.” rule for the sake of our sleep.
Always be considerate. It is important to consider how you would feel if you were in your roommate’s position. If you come back late at night, don’t slam the door. If you have guests over, enforce quiet hours after a certain time. If you annoy your roommates and are not respectful to their time and sleep then they will do the same to you. It’s easy to occasionally question your motivations and reflect on how you would feel in your roommate’s position. Take time to think over your actions, and keep in mind that your roommates are people. They too have problems and midterms and stress, so they definitely do not need roommate issues to add to this list.
If you are living with friends, it is important to set boundaries. At times it may be hard to be strict with friends and to confront them, but boundaries have to be set. Living with friends ultimately changes the friendship dynamics, and this may be difficult. You may not want to get mad at your friends or tell them to wash their dishes or take out the trash, but it is necessary. If you don’t say anything or let your anger build up, then you most likely will end up snapping, and this would be more harmful to the friendship.
When the messiness in my apartment got out of hand, I decided that I would stop cleaning and see if any of my other three roommates would clean. I decided not to clean for a week, and the results were horrible. I ultimately recommend that you do not try this tactic. It will not work. If your roommates are messy and you leave them be, this will not change anything. The trash overflowed, we got fruit flies, and the floor was sticky to walk on. If people are messy, it is just who they are and you can’t change that, especially not by taking a step back.
What I do now is that if my roommates leave dishes in the sink for more than a day, then I put them in the dishwasher so that they are out of my sight. If no one takes out the trash when it's their turn, then I put the trash bag in front of their door so that it is their immediate problem. Don’t let your roommates ruin your home. I too have had very negative experiences with roommates, and I do not want anyone to have to go through this.
I hope that this advice helps and that you find a way to live in peace. If all else fails, remember that you have RA’s and CA’s to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to organize a roommate mediation through the office. RA’s and CA’s are hired to help with these issues and will be more than happy to help you.
Your apartment or dorm is your temporary home, and no one should be able to ruin that experience for you. Having roommates is part of the college experience, whether good or bad, and I’m sure by the end of the year you will have some epic stories to tell.
