Last Thursday, I had the terrible experience of finding out my grandmother had passed away in her sleep. Like I'm sure any other individual has had to do, I was thrust into a whirlwind of obligations and events that I felt I needed to be at, all to honor my grandmother with my family through this difficult time in our lives.
I've never actually lost anyone in my family until now, so maybe I'm not qualified to talk on this topic. However, I feel like losing a loved one hits you in a completely different way during the holiday season than it would any other time during the year.
Thanksgiving is coming up, Christmas is right around the corner with advertisements already filling up our television screens, and the theme of being together with your family is in the air. This time of the year really makes the mind reel, especially if you've lost someone close to you. With any other months, of course, you still may be grieving and re-living nostalgic memories with others, but the memories are specifically intertwined with familial traditions and events, ones that are shoved in your face with every new holiday sale or jingle you run into.
People aren't able to hide away from their feelings during the holidays because the holidays run and thrive on feelings. So, what do we do with our pain? Do we tough it out?
No.
Embrace your feelings.
Believe me, I was afraid to at first. Being a college student, worrying about finals and papers that were due in the next month on top of dealing with a close family death made me want to put all my emotions on pause until I could figure out how to rearrange my schedule. I thought I could wait to mourn and put my schooling first because I thought that's what my grandmother would have wanted. Stay strong and put school first. I didn't realize I was eating myself up from the inside out.
The only time I started to heal and feel whole again is when I finally broke down in my dorm room at around 4 o' clock in the morning. Just a few hours before, I had to take a plane to see my grandmother one last time at her funeral. I broke down, I let the emotions rush in and out of me, and realized I needed to be with my family. I needed to be with them to embrace my feelings and embrace the holiday traditions that my grandmother loved so much.
She didn't want me to be alone, nose deep in a book studying. She knew that the only way I could heal with the holidays around the corner was to speak about her memories and just embrace everything.
And, really, I think all of our deceased loved ones try to tell us that, especially during this season. Blocking out the sadness will not make anything feel better, or make the holidays seem like nothing has changed. We all need to understand with the coming of death, we can't stop the inevitable change. The only thing we can do is accept the change and find healing in the acceptance.
I'm still healing, but taking this route has made it all a whole lot easier. I hope no one reading this has to deal with a loss during the holiday season, but if you do, remember this: Don't hold back, and just embrace it all; the sadness, the happiness, and the nostalgia. Life is too short to pretend like our emotions don't exist. Live for today. Your loved ones will rest easy knowing you did.
