The idea of making others like you is something that occupies all of our minds to some degree. In some, it overpowers our self-expression and consumes our individuality. In others, it’s a fleeting thought. What most of us don’t recognize is that securing the liking of others isn’t as simple as wearing army pants and flip-flops because Cady Heron does it. It’s a science that, when applied properly, can be beneficial in your occupation, friendships, and general human interactions. So what’s this well-kept secret? Like all things, we learn more and more about what we refer to as emotional intelligence (EQ) as society evolves. From the “Honest Abe” types we know and love to the Hitler types that use these tactics to manipulate, we’ve developed a few ideas.
1. Stop saying "I" all the damn time.
I. I, I, I, I. Literally. As humans, it is natural to put yourself first and foremost in your mind. In your next conversation, pay attention to how many times you naturally say “I.” We’re all aware of that person who will corner you at their regular bar and talk about himself for the next half an hour. It goes without saying, don’t be that person.
2. Take the same concept further by saying "you" more often.
Studies show that talking about ourselves gives us more neurological pleasure than money or food. Challenge yourself to talk to someone you don’t normally talk to and shift the topic of conversation to that person. Start sentences with “What do you think about…”, “How did you…”, “How is your…” so that they can answer about themselves. The kicker: be genuinely interested in their answer. The things you find out when you work at it will often pleasantly surprise you.
3. Make an effort to remember names.
Imagine a time when someone you’ve met in passing greeted you later on by your first name. Be that person. When you’re introduced to someone, repeat this person’s name. Saying it will help implant it into your mind. Kicker #2: You’re reading this thinking, “I’ve heard names with sounds I didn’t even know existed and you want me to repeat it?” Dale Carnegie, author of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (highly recommend), suggests asking how it’s spelled and commenting on how unique it is.
4. If you really want to set yourself apart, remember the details.
This is critical in networking. When someone mentions to you their sick pet or something funny their child did make an effort to remember. The next time you see them say, “I saw ______ today and it made me think of Marley. How is she doing?” or “I still can’t believe Ben _______. What is he up to lately?” People are flattered to know that they are being thought of and listened to.
5. Play off of their interests, goals, and emotions.
One of the most gratifying interactions is when a person is talking about something they’re passionate about and their eyes light up. They start speaking with their hands and their voice changes pitch. What’s more: YOU will find it enthralling. Give it a shot.
6. Actively listen.
Instead of planning what you're going to say next, be mindful of what they are saying now. FBI behavior analyst Robert Dreeke stresses the importance of actions such as nodding, repeating what they've said, and adding phrases such as "yes" and "uh-huh" to confirm to them that they have your attention.
These six things are only a start, but applying them to your daily life will provoke noticeable change in your interactions and eventually will come naturally. Now get off your electronic device and go talk to someone.
