Your “person.” The one you go to for anything and everything. The one person who understands you and your purpose.

Let me start by saying that, no, I don’t have trust issues. I am not selfish. Being your own “person” has nothing to do with either of those things. I also believe having people who are close to you is important. Trusting and loving others is an integral part of our own personal happiness; it makes us feel wanted and cared for.

I have friends who I would do anything for, and I know would do anything for me. And having friends and family like that to back you up is one of the best support systems in the world.

This article isn’t meant as an attempt to replace meaningful relationships. It’s quite the opposite, actually. It is recognition that relationships are essential, but we are able to add depth to those relationships by learning who you are as an individual. It is a realization that you can be independent of the other person, and not lose yourself in the process.

I dated one person throughout high school and into college. Five years. After that long, it’s hard for someone to not become your “person.” But what I realize now is that, as time progressed, I lost myself to him. I had no idea who I was separate from our relationship. I started to rely on him alone, and I lost touch with a lot of my own friends. I lost the friends that knew me as Kate, instead of the ones who knew me as His Girlfriend.

It was no longer ‘I,’ it was ‘we.’

And so, when it inevitably ended, I had nowhere to go. I had defined my whole being around what we were, and I didn’t get to define who I was. It was then that I realized how badly I needed to learn how to be my own “person.” I was making our relationship unhealthy because of how I defined myself. And after that, I realized I needed me more than I needed anyone else.

And since then, I have become a whole new me. I put myself first. I started doing things for my own benefit. And I can say, I feel so much better. I have friends who know and love me because I am me. I am not afraid to speak up for myself anymore. I changed for the better because I have gained the confidence to believe in myself. I know that I can live my life as an individual, the way I want to.

It’s so easy to ignore ourselves in the context of our relationships with others. We, as humans, were created for community and love. But more often than not, we forget to love ourselves. We forget to prioritize ourselves. We lose who we are.

So, I challenge you to be your own “person.” Because when you identify who you are by yourself, you can be your best self in your relationships as well. Humanity is naturally social, and I am no exception. But I know now that I need to recognize who I am as an individual before I can define myself in the context of a relationship. And that’s okay.

Be your own happiness. Be your own cheerleader. Be the one person you trust, and believe in yourself, because it is pointless to wait around for someone else to do it for you.

Your “person” should always be you, before it can be anyone else.