One of the biggest struggles of my college career so far has been getting up and getting to class on time. It never ceases to amaze me how, in high school, I woke up at 7:30 every morning, drove 30 minutes to school, and actually sat through classes for seven hours straight. Now it’s basically the end of the world if I have to get off my couch to attend more than one 50-minute class 10-minutes away from my apartment any earlier than 10:40 a.m.
You didn’t think you could get any lazier than you were your senior year of high school until you got to college. To battle the ever-growing pain and agony of dragging myself to class, I’ve developed some steps to help me make it there on time.
Step one: Set your alarm for 10 minutes before you actually need to be up so you can snooze it once. Or twice. Realistically, once the snooze cycle starts, it could be more like three or four times before you actually manage to get up.
Step two: Sleep in whatever T-shirt you’re planning to wear to class the next day so that way you only have to throw on some Norts and maybe a bra and you’re ready to go. Another option is to just sleep in what you wore out the night before and walk into class with full hair and makeup (or what’s left of it) like you’re ready to party—this is my personal favorite look for an 8:30 a.m.
Step three: Stock your kitchen with eggs and oatmeal for a healthy breakfast to get your day started. Since you already snoozed your alarm four times, you can go ahead and bypass that omelet and grab a cold piece of pizza still sitting out on the counter from last night’s binge session.
Step four: Make sure all the items you need for the day are in order and ready to go. Phone? Check. Keys? Check. Laptop? Check. Homework that you just now thought of as soon as you got halfway to class? In the printer tray. So close.
Step five: Now that you’re already running late from the snoozing, the mental debate about how ratchet it’s acceptable to look for this time of day, the delicious pizza breakfast, and printing the homework that you forgot, it’s a good thing you have a scooter that will get you to class in half the time it takes to walk! Not. Now you get to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic while your backpack sweat slowly soaks through your shirt.
Step six: Although you’ve failed at all attempts to be even close to on time, finding a parking spot should be a piece of cake! University parking is always so convenient with so many spaces to spare and you’ll easily find one in the first place you look!
Step seven: Now that you’ve parked illegally and arrived in plenty of time (AKA, at least 10 minutes late) you get to do the late walk of shame into your 200-person lecture hall. Bursting through the doors gasping for breath and dripping sweat, with every head turned toward you provides a welcoming feeling that can only be matched by the soul-piercing glare the professor gives you as you struggle to find a seat while tripping over the tangled mess of backpacks and unmoving legs.
Congratulations! Follow these steps and you will most likely be even later than you were before you ever read this. I am completely confident that I will never get the hang of this whole “getting to class on time” thing–on second thought, even the whole “getting to class at all” thing is kind of getting old.
