I live in a fast-paced world and I love it. Always occupied. Always busy. Always chasing my dreams. I never slow down. This is the essence of my being and most probably quintessential of the lives of the majority of college students. However, what’s significant about me is that I always have to be surrounded by people. Am I afraid of being alone or of being lonely? Although sounding very similar, these two words have very different connotations. Being alone indicates physical proximity, while being lonely refers to emotional connection. Sometimes, I feel disconnected, distant, uncomfortable and sad. This is why I busy myself.

In high school I was always that person who knew everyone and who was friends with everyone. Life was amazing. But, as they all say, college is a new chapter, a new life, and a new beginning. Most of all, college is a period of personal growth. I always imagined college as a canvas soon to be filled with the best of memories with the best of people having the best time of my life. I thought my life would be a continuation of high school. But, often times I found myself alone- or rather, lonely. Eating alone. Walking alone. Studying alone. I felt as though I was just one person in the sea of people, overlooked, overshadowed and distant. This took a toll on my mental and physical well-being. I became overcome with loneliness. I was always thinking too much about how my life had taken a sharp turn. I would spend most of my time thinking. A bewildered, beaten soul trying to navigate the toxic lifestyle. Slowly, but surely, losing the person I was before, my once resilient fire diminishing its spark. I became reserved and suppressed, but at the same time focused, perseverant, and all the more obsessed with my professional endeavors.

This lunged me into a place where I felt irresistible inclination to be surrounded by the cacophony but beautiful chaos of social engagement. It feels as though the world knows what it’s doing, but I missed the train. Thus, I did anything to fuel my ache and to avoid the void. I wanted to do anything to bring meaning into my life and feel achievement and satisfaction because I’m clearly not receiving the palpable, social reinforcement I am so used to attaining. Here I am, time and time again, falling into the endless cycle, chasing after a mirage, an illusion of happiness. In reality, this drive to become the best version of myself helps me focus my non-stop running mind from drowning in pain.

I know it can be hard to relate to this feeling. Maybe you’re reading and thinking “YES! Finally someone who took the words right out of my head.” Maybe you’re reading this, shocked, numb, and defeated as you realize and finally come to terms with yourself. Maybe you’re a socially affluent person but can sense that a friend is going through a very similar situation. Either way, all it takes is time. It took me my entire freshman year of college and I still sometimes succumb to the feeling of emptiness. Yes I understand it can feel like an antibiotic-resistant chronic illness, but mental endurance, strength and the persistence to achieve happiness is the only cure.

I am proud to say that I have learned- to not submerge myself or sink into the negativity that being alone insinuates. Instead, dive into it. Embrace what being alone has to offer. If it transforms you into a relentless, resilient pre-med gunner, a passionate singer, an avid soccer player or even a food enthusiast. If it gives you the drive and the courage to uncover a talent you never knew you had just so you can distract yourself from the anxiety, then do it. Take the time to implement your abilities in a new way, see the world in a new perspective, learn to meditate and slow down for some time. Use this time alone to discover yourself, improve yourself, and love yourself. Remember everything, everyone, every situation, problem, experience, and achievement you are grateful for- all of which have shaped you into the multifaceted individual you are today. Cherish this, because once you get back to reality, to life, you’ll be back to running in no time.