The summer of 2015 brought quite a bit of change to my life. I was still recovering from a breakup, and I decided that I needed to get out of my comfort zone. Having fun was something I wasn’t entirely used to. I worked constantly, went to school, and guys were never on my mind. I hadn't thought of joining Tinder before this point because I wasn’t entirely in tune with my sexuality. We should all be aware that Tinder is not the place you go to meet your future husband; at least that shouldn't be the original plan. Why would a girl, who was barely comfortable being affectionate with her former boyfriends, seek any kind of contact with male strangers?

After my breakup shook my confidence, I decided that I needed to stop being so serious. I needed a way to get out of my funk. A coworker had joined Tinder a few months prior, also following a breakup. She had gone on various dates, not necessarily sleeping with all of them, and claimed she was having the best time. She made various connections with people she now calls friends, and even ended up meeting her current boyfriend. I thought I should give it a shot.

The common misconception with online dating, at least one that I had, is that it isn't realistic. A lot of users don’t end up meeting their matches. It’s just a way for people to have some form of connection with the opposite sex; constant conversation, complimenting, Instagram followers, Facebook friends, etc. I recently reactivated my account, only to reread old messages, and discovered just how much I truly learned from my Tinder experience. After a few weeks with a profile, it became very easy to spot a guy’s intentions almost immediately. There were three types of greetings I received, all meaning something different.

While I understand that Tinder isn’t for the faint of heart, I also always found this greeting rude. You can’t even say, “Hey”? Really? These types of guys got straight to the point. It was very clear they weren’t even interested in knowing my name, it was all about how quickly I could get to their bedroom.

This could go one of two ways. It’s a simple conversation starter that could lead to more information, or it’s a lead up to “Wanna chill?” Either way, it was always a turn-off, for me. Regardless of what either person’s intentions are, strictly sex or great conversation, I still felt like I should be impressed by you. And this response never impressed me.

Yes, clearly an actual message. Why is it my favorite? Because the guy who wrote it ended up becoming my best friend. He thought it was important to make me laugh, to make sure I was close enough where he could eventually meet me, and he was persistent. When I didn’t answer, he messaged me again. Only once; he can take a hint. I deleted my profile shortly after that.

So, how did this experience help me learn to love myself? I realized that I was desirable. Having someone blatantly tell you that they do not want you is enough to shake anyone’s confidence. The challenge is, how does one get it back? You might be thinking, They only wanted to sleep with you. How does that make you feel good about yourself? The truth is, it doesn’t. After a while, guys stop responding when they realize you’re not going to give it up. They grow impatient fairly quickly. I began to think, Maybe this is all I’m good for.

I soon realized that joining Tinder was a choice I had made. I had put myself in a position, knowing the rules. I began to see the brighter side of the situation. I had guys swiping right and hitting me with cheesy pickup lines 20 to 30 times a day. If they wanted to do all of that from five badly cropped photos and a few lines, surely someone someday would be able to fall in love with my entire personality. It gave me hope.

The “darkest white person you’ll ever meet” is currently my boyfriend. Don’t get it twisted. That rarely happens. It wasn’t love at first sight -- hell, it was barely lust at first sight. It was painful and it was dramatic, and not nearly as fun as Tinder is supposed to be. I don’t regret a single moment, though. Luckily for him, I value humor more than anything else. A guy who can make me laugh has a one-way ticket to my heart. If he had said, “Wanna chill?” we might not be here. Then again, maybe he’s wishing he had! All jokes aside, online dating isn’t a guarantee you’ll meet the love of your life. But, if nothing else is working, why not take the chance? The worst that could happen? You’ll laugh a little.

Safe and happy swiping!