5 Ways To Spot A Feminist

Let’s face it; the world is changing faster than we can ever keep up with. People are taking stances so quickly on social issues like women’s rights and police brutality, that it can be hard to decipher who is who.

The latest political fad seems to be something known as feminism. While it’s difficult to set apart this fascinating group of people from the masses, I’ve provided a few helpful tips to spot these creatures known as “feminists.”

1. Lots of body hair:

Civilized people understand that hair on female bodies should be limited to the head. However, feminists reject socially acceptable standards of beauty and refuse to shave at all. While unnatural, most feminists seem to be more comfortable with hair all over their bodies.

2. Probably not wearing a bra:

Feminists believe that bras are metaphors for being oppressed by men. The feminist views a bra as a restraint on her rights, which she prefers to leave free and exposed to the open air. Wearing a bra, in fact, is a sign of weakness. Feminists travel in packs, and will abandon any outliers of this belief.

3. Usually naked from the waist up:

In fact, feminists seem to reject any form of body restraint on their torso at all. Sadly, this makes feminists hard to find in most public places because they are frequently arrested for public nudity.

4. Talons:

In the event you find yourself in close proximity to a feminist, you may notice she has sharp, bird-like talons. If the feminist feels threatened, she may use them for self defense; however, feminists most often use them for spearing fruit and nuts, staples of the feminist's diet.

5. A unique call, similar to a vulture:

The feminist is a mostly harmless creature, but it's still important to keep your wits about you in case one is nearby. Take caution in places frequented by feminists, such as liberal college campuses and outside your local city hall, protesting the most recent injustice, and listen for their unique call. The few brave individuals who have attempted to capture this call on audio have met unfortunate demise, but found journal entries document that the feminist call resembles that of a vulture.