Saying no can be difficult. Especially when those asking know exactly how to make you feel bad for saying no. If you need to study for that chemistry test, you don’t have to give your friend a ride. If you really should get some extra rest, you don’t have to pick up your co-worker’s shift. If you have to rearrange your life to say yes, maybe you should learn how to say no. Furthermore, you should learn how to say no without feeling terrible about yourself.
By filtering your decisions through the three questions below, you can learn to make the choice between yes or no.
1. Can you do it?
Don’t have any more gas money this month? Then don’t drive your friends to Chick-fil-A. Don’t remember anything about algebra? Then don’t attempt to tutor that desperate person you met in the library. If you don’t have the means or ability to help someone, you shouldn’t stretch yourself too far to say yes. And you definitely shouldn’t feel bad about saying no. This step is the most obvious, but saying no at this level can still be difficult for many people. Just know your limits, and don’t apologize for them.
2. Does it fit into your schedule?
If you could plan your suitemate's surprise party but need to study for exams, just say no. Sometimes, saying no has more to do with time than with ability. Just because you can, it doesn’t always mean you should. Manage your time, and then decide if you can undertake any extra tasks. In college, you are being pulled in a dozen directions, and you must prioritize before stress causes an early death. Never be afraid to flash your “busy college student” card (even to other college students).
3. Do you want to do it?
So maybe you can help your classmate study for that cumulative economics exam. Maybe you’re free the night before the test. Maybe you already have a Quizlet ready to go. But do you really want to drag yourself to the library to study with someone you hardly know? If the answer is no, then say no. This step can be the most difficult because it is seemingly the most selfish. However, not wanting to do something is a perfectly acceptable reason not to do it. Being able and having the time does not obligate you to help.
If at the end of this process you still feel like a terrible person, just know it will be OK. If you’ve decided to say no and someone tries guilting you to say yes, remind yourself of the logic of your decision and stick to your choice. Remember why you couldn’t say yes, and stand strong against the person pressuring you.
