If you could try to think about the number of times per day you judge someone, could you do it? I mean accurately pinpoint each time you see someone’s appearance or attitude and make an assumption about them. Chances are (no offense), you can’t. And the reasoning behind that is sad. It’s because we subconsciously make a judgment of a person within – prepare yourselves – a tenth of a second. I wish I was making that up, but a team of psychologists at Princeton say so. So each time we glance at someone, some kind of an opinion is formed no matter what, whether we like it or not. Here’s a better question. How many times do you think your judgment of another person is accurate? If someone has a designer handbag, do you assume they’re rich? If someone has a tattoo, do you assume they’re rebels and their parents disapprove? Who are we to sum up another human in 1/10 of a second? That’s absurdity.
So what is this telling us? That we are all a bunch of terrible, judgmental people? Great, thanks statistics.
Actually, no. Not at all. Perhaps it’s sending us a different message. Since our insanely complicated brains decide to take someone’s appearance and let create false assumptions, we have to find a way to ignore it. We will take our brain, something we’ve been developing for 20 something years, and disregard whatever it’s telling us for just that tenth of a second, and then it can be our friend again. Yes, easier said than done, but if we actively work on being more open to others, we can diminish the after effects of the immediate judgment.
What sparked this article was a personal experience of mine. I often run into the same guy, day after day, while I'm at work. He looks like he’s been having a bad day, every day. I never said anything because I thought he would injure me if I tried to speak to him. I just went along doing my job and he did his. After a few months, I decided he is not a serial killer and just asked how his week had been. Normal conversation followed and no one was injured. It was cool. We continued talking and ended up have a pleasant chat about our families.
Boom. Here lies the answer. After he told me about his rocky relationship with his parents, horrible sickness in his family, and why he was there in that kitchen working that very job, I felt like an ass****. He has been through a lot, and if I had been through the same, I don’t think I would prefer to smile all the time either.
I know, a lot for a casual work conversation stemming from “How’s your week been?” But it just goes to show everyone has experiences. Whether they are from yesterday or 10 years ago, everyone has experiences that shape who they are today - experiences that deserve more than a tenth of a second to figure out. I’m not saying that every seemingly miserable person has a story like that guy at work, they may not. But everyone fights some kind of battle, whether they choose to show it or not. No amount of time looking at someone can allow you to reach any depth into who they really are without trying to understand.
I’m not saying we are not allowed to make judgments and have opinions. We most definitely are, but after we create a solid base for each of these. For example, “judging a book by its cover” is the oldest saying in the book (ba-dum, tss). Once we read every single page and understand its purpose, we’ve created our base. Whatever we think after that is a fair judgment. It’s the same with people.
Imagine if someone glanced at you, looked away, and within that literal blink of an eye thought they understood you as a person, your life, and what you’ve been through. The only word I think of when I read that statement is unfair. So how quick will you to be judge next time, knowing that there really is always more than meets the eye?
