I've recently started college, and it's been a pretty big change. My classes are harder, my workload is greater, and it's time to start being serious about my life. I also have A LOT more free time, of which i'm meant to use towards studying and other things beneficial towards my future.
Which is why i've instead been using that time to watch more Netflix.
I recently started watching Narcos, a show about the famed drug lord Pablo Escobar, who, in his prime, was one of the richest men in the world, with a net worth of just over 30 billion dollars. Now, i'm a a very unique person in that i have absolutely no marketable skills whatsoever, so naturally i became interested in...expanding my outlook on possible careers. Basically, i wondered what it might be like to become a drug lord. (Kidding DEA, if you're reading this.) However, upon watching the show, i quickly found that the world of narcotics was not for me, and here's why:
1. There's way too much killing for my taste.
As a general rule, i try to prevent myself from doing things that could get me killed. I just think that being alive is something that benefits me. Which is why i was a little saddened to hear that working with hardened criminals could be, get this: Dangerous. The show paints a brutally realistic picture of what life is like working with crime, and theres just way too much blood spilling for my taste. The amount of betrayals, executions, stabbings, and assassinations makes for a very uncomfortable job experience, as well as severely reducing my chances of staying alive, which, like i said, is rather important to me.
2. I don't know anything about drugs.
A large part of the show dealt with the purity of cocaine and heroin that was being produced, and they were using a lot of technical terms to describe it. For someone like me, i don't know the first things about quality or measurements. It all just looks like white powder to me. Knowing me, i would either sell it too cheap, and therefore get ripped off, or i would sell it for too much, leading to absolutely no business whatsoever. And the worst part is, theres nobody i could go see in order to get my questions answered, as the only other people who know this stuff are DEA and rival drug lords, neither of which would be too interested in helping me.
3. I don't have a cool mustache.
No, i'm being serious, literally every cool character in the show has a sick mustache. So much so, that i've come to the conclusion that the only way to succeed at building your own drug empire is to have an amazing mustache. Unfortunately for me, all i've been able to grow as far as facial hair is concerned is a really crappy beard which i refuse to shave off because it makes me look just a little older than i actually am. I decided that until i can grow an amazing mustache, i should put my 30-billion-dollar-drug-empire plans on hold, which is probably for the best.
4. I can't be mean to people
I'm a very nice person. I hate when i make someone feel bad or guilty. It's just part of my personality. But as it turns out, its very difficult to be a powerful drug lord without being rude to people. I tried to see if there was anyway around this, but in my research, i found that it was impossible to not do at least one thing considered "mean" when selling drugs and fighting law enforcement. So maybe once i can toughen up a little bit, i can start looking into it again, but until that day, i'm just gonna chill and not do anything illegal.
5. I hate discomfort
When cooking and producing cocaine, a laboratory is required. These labs must be located deep in some forest or cave, as putting them in the city is a great way to buy yourself a ticket to prison. However, in these forests and caves, the climate is hot and humid, leading to intense discomfort, and thats not counting the sheer number of mosquitoes that will bother you on a daily basis. I just don't want to put up with all that. I mean, sure, you make a lot of money, but at the end of the day, i would rather sit in a nice, air-conditioned office building from 9-5, drive my boring car, and live a boring life. The outdoors isn't the best place for me.
So there you have it: my top 5 reasons why i could never become a hardened criminal. Maybe none of that stuff bothers you, and it all sounds like a good deal. But regardless of whether you have intentions of becoming a drug lord or not, i highly recommend watching Narcos, it really is a great show. And if any of you end up running the world's next greatest drug empire, try to remember how helpful i was when you're on your path to world domination.
