For the past 6 years, I've been struggling with my faith and how it pertains to gay people. For the first 13 years of my life I really didn't know anything about gay people except that being gay was a "sin." Now I may hurt a handful of people with this post, but I'm sick and tired of hiding my feelings. My feelings have been hurt countless times (mainly in high school) for not standing up for gay people. One of the closest people to my heart is no longer here and she was gay. I met her when I was 13 years old. She was my next door neighbor's best friend who was also my best friend. I hesitated to hangout with her because I had no idea what to think of her. She had bright, short hair (pink or blue at the time) and dressed how I viewed as odd for a girl to dress. She had a skateboard with her more often than not. I need to pause for a second to thank God that my perspective completely changed from the first time I met her. I was nervous to be around her because I didn't know how I should've felt about her and how she felt about me. That uncertainty and lack of love I had at first did a total 180. By our sophomore year, I always wanted to hangout with her. She was my bestest friend and I loved her with my whole heart.

I also had the pleasure of meeting my best friend, John, when I was just 11 years old. At the time, I didn't know John was gay. I just knew that I loved being with him and I loved his spirit. A few years later, I found out he was gay. I asked myself, as a devout Lutheran, "Why in the world would I not continue to love and support this man just as much as I had the past few years just because he was gay?" Every bone in my body hated this tension between the immense love I had for my best friends and the love I felt from God. I have a handful of other friends and best friends who I learned were gay or bi in high school or college. It has torn me apart to say that my denomination of Christianity does not fully love and support my best friends. It would absolutely kill me if I was gay or bi and being told that my church doesn't support me. I have come so close to eliminating religion from my life because I was so hurt by all of this. Today I watched the first episode of the second season of "Queer Eye" on Netflix. It was about how a Christian black woman named Mama Tammye came to love and accept her gay son. It went even further to have her church accept her son in this small town in Georgia. That's what sparked a light in me to write this post. I still stand in my faith in God, but I cannot say that I'm Lutheran just like my parents and my sister. I love and trust in God with my whole heart and I love the LGBTQ community with that same heart. I'm sorry to my best friends for all the times they may not have felt that deep love at a younger age. I'm sorry that people still don't love and accept you when you so deserve it. You are loved by me and by God. I cannot and will not apologize for how I feel and who I love. One thing that I have always held dear to my heart is the phrase "What Would Jesus Do?" I'm confident that by unconditionally loving all people of any race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. I am doing it with Jesus in mind. I am not ashamed. God is Love and all people deserve love.