There are very few things I consider myself an expert in, but let me tell you, there are a few, and today I'm here to share with you one of my greatest areas of expertise: The Art of Procrastination. While I may not yet have a degree, I do consider myself quite knowledgeable about procrastination. I am surrounded by it on a daily basis, and for research purposes, I have participated in it for many years.
As an expert in the field, I'm here to share some tips on how to procrastinate for those of you who are new to it. But first, a few words on this ancient Art. The Art of Procrastination has been around so long, we're not even sure when it originated. What we do know, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, is that the first record of the word as we know it today was in the sixteenth century. Some of the world's most brilliant people have been known to procrastinate. According to this TED talk Martin Luther King Jr. was still scribbling notes minutes before his famous speech, 'I have a dream'. And according to this same TED talk, that very line was improvised. If this hasn't convinced you of the credibility of The Art of Procrastination, I don't know what will. For the majority of you who are actually convinced, let's take a closer look at how to procrastinate in your everyday life, shall we?
1) To procrastinate, all you need is a project and a deadline. It can be cleaning the house before guests come for dinner, or writing a finals paper. It's completely up to you. This part is incredibly simple compared to the next part for all non-procrastinator pros.
2) Do anything besides the project. That's right. You can think about that project all you want, but you can't actually dive into it. There are two possibilities. for those of you with less self-control I'd recommend option A) Don't even think of touching the project. Do anything but the project. For those of you who are procrastinators (pun totally intended) you can pretend to do the project, but just barely. Open the word document, write the title and your name. Open Pinterest. Open Tumblr. Watch an episode or seven of your favorite show. But don't actually do the project. For those of you who are new to procrastination, I would not recommend trying possibility B. There is a very common and dangerous pitfall of actually finishing the project. If you're one of those people, please, don't risk it.
3) Now for the best part. While you have been dutifully avoiding your project, you will have developed a sort of queasy feeling or a nagging remembrance of the deadline won't let you be. A sense of panic will take over, but you must keep up the hard work. You are now procrastinating. Exciting, am I right?
4) And last but not least, when you've reached a level of thriller movie suspense, you can rush to do that project, barely finishing before the deadline.
Introducing the Art of Procrastination into your life will change it completely.* You will always have an adventurous feeling of suspense, panic, and when the deadline is finally met, a greater sense of relief than you've ever felt. So start today, and with my research and four easy steps, you will become a Master of the Art of Procrastination.
*Disclaimer: The Art of Procrastination is not for everyone. Participating in Procrastination may lead to a lack of sleep, depression, stress eating and weight gain, heart problems including heart attacks and death, as well as other health problems. Consult your doctor before introducing The Art of Procrastination into your life.
