I wasn’t sure If I would ever write about this, but I feel as though enough time has passed that I can genuinely reflect on my experiences and explain how it has effected me to this day- making me the person that I am now.
I was not always this shy and introverted person. I have memories of myself when I was younger where I would say anything on my mind, and love being the center of attention. I used to love doing presentations in school, I loved raising my hand, and I loved having the spotlight.
I grew up with relatively the same group of friends throughout pre-school and elementary school, and I was happy with the people I surrounded myself with. In sixth grade, everything about myself changed. Sure, middle school is a time where everyone changes who they are- but I can pinpoint the events that triggered my complete overhaul. I moved to a different state in the middle of sixth grade, and although I was going to a different school than my closest friends, I was not too devastated as I was still only a short 20 minute car ride to my old town.
There came a time in sixth grade where I finally made a new group of friends and was having a good time just being myself in my new town. But of course, when everything is going too well, something bad is bound to happen. Without going into too much detail, one by one my closest friends from home became distant and I started to notice. When I reached out to someone who I called my best friend I was quickly shot down, and told that I was simply "too weird" to be friends with. Not only that, but I was unnecessarily told that other people who I consider my friends think the same thing. This was heartbreaking for me. So many people I had memories of growing up with and always being together just wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to put on a brave face, but in reality it made me feel so many negative things that I had never felt before.
My positive attitude was not destroyed yet, though! I was still excited to be in a new town and make new friends- proving everyone wrong. That was until my big personality got myself in trouble yet again. I remember receiving a message on Facebook from one of my friends at my new school saying that I was not allowed to sit with them at lunch anymore. I wish I was making this Mean Girls reference up, but I promise I am not. I would have to sit somewhere else. Their reasoning? I was too weird.
The time following these events was one of the lowest points of my life. I felt as though I had no genuine friends, and worst of all, I hated myself. I remember changing my Facebook profile picture to just a black screen because I didn’t want anyone to have to look at my face. I remember my mom finding my diary and crying with me about things that I wrote. I thought I would be too weird for everyone.
That was, until I made real friends. It’s that simple, I made friends that appreciate me for who I am and how weird I can be. I found friends that even like to do weird things with me! Looking back, yeah, of course I was a little socially awkward in middle school, but who wasn’t? To this day, I do find myself being very self conscious about what people think about me from time to time. I’m very shy now, and hate being the center of attention. I wasn’t myself for the longest time, but thankfully I know exactly who I am now and I am not changing for anyone. I noticed I’m speaking up more in public and putting myself out there again.
What I’m trying to say here is that you should not let other peoples words about you dictate how you feel about yourself. To this day I wish that I didn’t let these peoples words effect me the way that they did. I now know that it is okay to be weird, and it’s okay to be different. If someone wants to walk away from you and your friendship then let them! You should never have to beg for anyone to stay in your life.
Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for you, and don’t tolerate anything less than that. Find your people, and if you haven’t yet, you will. Take it from me, the girl who was too weird to be friends with. I now have amazing friends, am in an amazing sorority, and have an amazing boyfriend. I’m not concerned about what any of those girls who dissed me are doing, but I wish them the best- in the end, they did me a favor.