Unhappiness. Quite literally, it means "sad, miserable, or wretched," according to dictionary.com. This one small noun can somehow consume you, and sometimes you don't even know it is.
From the moment I got accepted into the College of Engineering at Penn State, my whole life changed. I thought to myself, "This is it. This is where everything changes." And while I was right about the changes, I couldn't have been more wrong about the context.
When you're in high school, a lot of people will encourage you to choose the safe career path. Everything in me said to study Political Science, but I chose engineering anyway. I loved math, it had a high job output, and I wanted to make sure I would have a stable life one day. I couldn't have made a worse choice.
When my first two semesters didn't go well, I blamed myself. I could've studied more and seen my friends less. I felt this drive inside that pushed me to keep going though. I retook classes I hated and kept telling myself that it gets better and it will be worth it one day. What no one realizes though is that eventually, it all catches up to you. Pushing yourself to do something you don't like builds up.
By the time sophomore year hit, it took everything in me to keep studying for math, mechanics, and even the classes I liked. I stopped talking to my friends as much, and I kept to myself more and more. I was in a downward spiral and had no idea until the anxiety of school was too much, and I was getting sick. The activities I used to love were flaring my anxiety because the more time I spent there, the less time I had to study for the mechanics course that was stressing me out.
This time I told myself that everything was going to be okay, and if I studied more than ever, I'd be on the right path to success. I ended up having my best semester of college yet, based on grades. I wanted to celebrate this, but the problem was, I didn't understand a lot of what I learned that semester.
I studied enough to do the problems but not comprehend them. And to top it all off, my only reward was an anxiety problem at it's worst and harder classes to come. Then over winter break, I heard that a family friend switched from her science major to political science, and all I could think to myself was, "She's lucky. I'm really jealous." This is when I knew things had to change.
I used the break to go back and look at the political science academic plans. I smiled more while reading about those classes than I did during the last year and a half of college. It took a lot for me to finally accept that I was not cut out for engineering school. Everyone has their strengths, and mine weren't there.
One of the hardest things I've done for myself was to change my major and find happiness. While all of my close friends at school are science majors, I felt inadequate and like I was a quitter. But at the end of the day, college isn't supposed to be about the people around you; It's supposed to be about you and finding the right career path, so after 4 years you aren't stuck in a trade that you're gonna hate for the rest of your life. And most importantly, you don't hate yourself.
If there was advice that I could give anyone, it would be to follow your dreams. Your dreams may not be easy or even seem like the safe choice, but they're the right choice for you.
