I Want To Write: A Tribute To How I Feel As A Writer

I Want To Write: A Tribute To How I Feel As A Writer

Writing has saved my life.

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I want to write, but I struggle to put my emotions into words. I want to write, but how can I when I can't put down the words I'm afraid to say?

I want to be able to adequately put my struggles on paper, but sometimes those struggles don't come out in lyrical spews and rhyming sentences. Sometimes the tears that have fallen on the paper and the smudged pencil and lines and the words that are written time after time represent my emotions more than my words ever could. It shows internal conflict. It shows fear. It shows sadness. It shows uncertainty.

I am a writer and I crave to make art out of my tears and sunsets with my blood. I crave to make people feel something, anything. I crave to pluck a heartstring and steal someone's breath away. Because even though everyone is different, we are all the same in many ways, and I crave to capture that. I crave to capture what everyone goes through and allow someone to read it and finally know that they are not alone.

If I touch one person, just one, then I have done my job. If I can use my words to connect hearts and human beings, then I have done my job. I want to capture the raw emotions that no one talks about and the hardships that everybody goes through once in their lifetime. My job as a writer is to ignite fires within people and bring tears to people's eyes.

I battle with this every day. I battle with myself to get it out and write it down. I battle with myself to write what I'm afraid of writing because the moment it's on paper, it becomes real. How does any writer handle this? How does any writer take their most intimate thoughts and experiences and write it for the whole world to see? When I share my work, I suddenly become vulnerable. I become vulnerable because I give a piece of myself in the words and suddenly, anyone can get their hands on it and read the words that strip me bare. I guess that's the price you pay when you're a writer, right?

Being a writer is so much harder than anyone realizes because you are forced to become in touch with your emotions and everything that you have kept buried, because the moment you write, there is always truth in the words. The moment your pen meets paper, you are open to revealing things about yourself that you weren't even aware of. The story could be completely fictional, something you totally made up, but even then, bits and pieces of yourself bleed through. It's always there, whether it's underlying or flat out in the open.

However, even though being a writer is rather difficult because let's be real here, not every writer feels 100% motivated to write all the time, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade it for the world even with all the frustration of hitting the pesky writer's block. I wouldn't trade it for the world because it allows me to have a voice and it allows me to connect with people I don't even know.

Can you think of anything more powerful than that?

I have the ability to one day change someone's life. I have the ability to unbeknownst reach out to struggling teenagers who think they're alone in the world with what they're feeling and prove to them that they aren't, that someone finally understands.

You see, the cool thing about being a writer is that over time, you'll be able to witness your growth. You'll see all the struggles you overcame and how far you have come since then. I look back on the poetry I wrote in eighth grade and during my freshman year and I am constantly amazed at how much I've changed and how much I've gotten through since then.

The poetry that was once depressing and full of doubt blossomed into poetry full of optimism and the beauty of the world around me, something that 15 year-old-me couldn't have written. I used to only be able to write when I was at my lowest of lows, but now I am able to write about love, happiness, and the way I finally feel alive.

No matter what happens, I have found comfort in the fact that paper will always be here for me, no matter what. I have found comfort in the fact that paper will always listen. Because even when I feel like I'm drowning, my writing gives me the air that allows me to breathe. Writing quickly became my coping mechanism, my anchor, and eventually, in many ways that so many people are not aware of, I found that writing ended up saving my life.

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It's Time To Thank Your First Roommate

Not the horror story kind of roommate, but the one that was truly awesome.
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Nostalgic feelings have recently caused me to reflect back on my freshman year of college. No other year of my life has been filled with more ups and downs, and highs and lows, than freshman year. Throughout all of the madness, one factor remained constant: my roommate. It is time to thank her for everything. These are only a few of the many reasons to do so, and this goes for roommates everywhere.

You have been through all the college "firsts" together.

If you think about it, your roommate was there through all of your first college experiences. The first day of orientation, wishing you luck on the first days of classes, the first night out, etc. That is something that can never be changed. You will always look back and think, "I remember my first day of college with ____."

You were even each other's first real college friend.

You were even each other's first real college friend.

Months before move-in day, you were already planning out what freshman year would be like. Whether you previously knew each other, met on Facebook, or arranged to meet in person before making any decisions, you made your first real college friend during that process.

SEE ALSO: 18 Signs You're A Little Too Comfortable With Your Best Friends

The transition from high school to college is not easy, but somehow you made it out on the other side.

It is no secret that transitioning from high school to college is difficult. No matter how excited you were to get away from home, reality hit at some point. Although some people are better at adjusting than others, at the times when you were not, your roommate was there to listen. You helped each other out, and made it through together.

Late night talks were never more real.

Remember the first week when we stayed up talking until 2:00 a.m. every night? Late night talks will never be more real than they were freshman year. There was so much to plan for, figure out, and hope for. Your roommate talked, listened, laughed, and cried right there with you until one of you stopped responding because sleep took over.

You saw each other at your absolute lowest.

It was difficult being away from home. It hurt watching relationships end and losing touch with your hometown friends. It was stressful trying to get in the swing of college level classes. Despite all of the above, your roommate saw, listened, and strengthened you.

...but you also saw each other during your highest highs.

After seeing each other during the lows, seeing each other during the highs was such a great feeling. Getting involved on campus, making new friends, and succeeding in classes are only a few of the many ways you have watched each other grow.

There was so much time to bond before the stresses of college would later take over.

Freshman year was not "easy," but looking back on it, it was more manageable than you thought at the time. College only gets busier the more the years go on, which means less free time. Freshman year you went to lunch, dinner, the gym, class, events, and everything else possible together. You had the chance to be each other's go-to before it got tough.

No matter what, you always bounced back to being inseparable.

Phases of not talking or seeing each other because of business and stress would come and go. Even though you physically grew apart, you did not grow apart as friends. When one of you was in a funk, as soon as it was over, you bounced right back. You and your freshman roommate were inseparable.

The "remember that one time, freshman year..." stories never end.

Looking back on freshman year together is one of my favorite times. There are so many stories you have made, which at the time seemed so small, that bring the biggest laughs today. You will always have those stories to share together.

SEE ALSO: 15 Things You Say To Your Roommates Before Going Out

The unspoken rule that no matter how far apart you grow, you are always there for each other.

It is sad to look back and realize everything that has changed since your freshman year days. You started college with a clean slate, and all you really had was each other. Even though you went separate ways, there is an unspoken rule that you are still always there for each other.

Your old dorm room is now filled with two freshmen trying to make it through their first year. They will never know all the memories that you made in that room, and how it used to be your home. You can only hope that they will have the relationship you had together to reflect on in the years to come.


Cover Image Credit: Katie Ward

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Cancel Culture Is Toxic And Ugly

Stop deciding for me who I can and cannot like.

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I was really hoping that canceled culture died in 2018, but unfortunately here we are in 2019 still "canceling" whoever we personally deem "problematic." Whether it's tweeting from six years ago or falsely made allegations, waves of people will grab on to anything they can to bring down whatever celebrity or influencer seems to be doing well at the moment.

Of course, it is important to bring light to horrible things such as racism, misogyny, domestic abuse, etc., but remember these horrible things are still happening TODAY. We need to focus our energy on combating the horrible things people are currently doing and saying; it is truly such a waste of time to bring up the problematic words and actions that someone in the limelight did almost a decade ago.

Let me be clear, there is no one person I am trying to defend here. I honestly don't care much to personally defend anyone who is being canceled by angry twitter-users who found something just bad enough to hold against them for eternity. I truly just find the idea of it annoying and ugly.

The idea that any person is a completely static, flat character is so inconceivable and unlikely that I truly have a hard time understanding why we cannot accept an apology from a matured person.

If we have no evidence that a person has made any recent damaging remarks, then how can we prove they haven't changed since they tweeted something wrong in 2013?

Of course, there are people who have recently or continuously proven they are indecent people who are not deserving of any sort of public exposure, but if they are truly so horrible, people will drop them without you having to tell them to do so. You don't have to condemn those who still remain loyal; they are probably not the kind of people you need to waste your time on anyway.

If the people canceling others were constantly watched like the people they have damned, I am absolutely sure there is something we could find from their past to cancel them as well.

Sometimes it is hard to remember that famous people are still human beings just like us. Anyone is prone to make mistakes, and those mistakes can absolutely be rectified over time.

Nowadays, people love jumping on the bandwagon of finding a new person to hate and don't even stop to think about the damage it could do to that person's life and reputation.

Give people a chance to prove that they are decent human beings before deciding whether "we" as a whole should love or hate them based on such a small amount of evidence.

I am not saying you have to love every celebrity. If you don't like what someone has said or done you absolutely do not have to give them your attention or devotion, but you should not tell me whether I can like them or not.

In 2019 we should put an end to canceled culture, and, instead, learn to take people at their word and accept their apologies for their past wrongdoings.

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