There's always heartbreak in someone's life, but it's always the first one that cuts the deepest. It's always losing your first love that hurts the most.
It's a type of hurt that's hard to put into words. It's almost as if you feel like you cannot explain how you're feeling to anyone. It feels like you're trapped in your own breaking heart. Similar to the seven stages of grief, losing your first love goes through different stages.
The initial shock of a breakup hurt so bad you feel as if you can't keep going. You feel your heart sink into your stomach and can't hold back the tears. You feel a knot in your throat that prevents you from saying anything. Your eyes well up, and if you're in a public place, you are unable to explain yourself. You cry for a few days, and try to find support and comfort in those around you.
Next, you feel as if you need to get revenge. Not always "revenge", per se, but you feel as if you need to get back at your ex somehow. You go to find a rebound. You try getting back out there and going on a few different dates, but eventually you will come to the realization that they are not the person who you loved, and still probably love. You will then end up even more upset than you may have started.
Days, weeks, and months go by. You look at your phone and try to refrain from texting or calling. You read old messages, look at old pictures, and listen to old voice mails. All of which you still can't bring yourself to delete. You don't know why you torture yourself like this. You listen to old songs that you two used to sing together in the car with the volume all the way up. You know listening will make you cry, but you do it anyways. You try and move on, but you find yourself comparing everyone you meet to your first love. You look for those qualities that were specific to that one person, when deep down, you know the only place where you'll find them.
It takes a long time; it takes what may seem like forever. Things do get better, though. You will always remember your first love. And you will most likely always love them, no matter how bad they may have hurt you. That's the thing. You once cared for this person so much; they will always be a part of your life. That's what makes it so hard to let go. It may seem like the end of the world, but as my dad told me; one day, someone is going to come and knock your socks off and sweep you off of your feet. It may not be your first love, but learn from your first love. Learn what you do and don't like. Learn how to love with everything you have. Learn how to give your everything to someone.
