The truth is, no one ever guesses I’m Mexican just by looking at me. In fact, I’ve been asked if I was everything else in the book BESIDES Mexican. I am third generation Mexican. I am the first in my family to graduate from a university and I am the first to go on and pursue my masters.
The truth is, there is no place for me or any other Hispanic in this place we call home.
The truth is, it is legal for me or any other Hispanic to be stopped just because we look Hispanic, and if we are illegal, deported. The truth is, I know no other world outside the one I’ve been living in. Yet to this place I have always called home, I am a foreigner.
The truth is that I will constantly be judge by my name and by my skin tone. I will constantly be asked if I can speak Spanish and where my parents are from. I will always be told I “talk white” or have a Spanish accent even though English is my first and only language. I will always be asked if I can translate for those who don’t know Spanish because I look like I can.
The truth is I must try 100% harder to “act white” so I don’t seem like I am illiterate or “causing problems”. The truth is I have a white boyfriend and when we go places we get stared out. Because even though people don’t know what I am, they know I’m not white.
The truth is that there is no place for us. We are asked on the U.S. census if we’re Hispanic or Latino, then ask if they’re white, black/African American, Asian/Pacific Islander, etc. However, we must state we are white because there is no category for us. But we aren’t white. Because if we were I wouldn’t be stared at when my grandmother speaks Spanish in an all-white restaurant. If we were white people wouldn’t joke about me being deported, yes that is a thing.
Because I’m Hispanic in today’s world, I have to be presentable all the time. Because if I’m not, people assume I have no money, I’m illegal, or just plain dirty. Because I’m Hispanic I’m ashamed to get too dark in the summer because I know being too dark is unacceptable in our world. Because I’m Hispanic I have been prepared from a young age to be called a name because of my race when someone is mad, and expected to forgive them when they apologize for it.
Because I am Mexican in today’s world, I am invisible. I have to work so much harder than anyone I know to prove myself because of who I am. Because I am Mexican, I must assimilate so I blend. I must take my time and make something of myself so I have a voice, so we have a future in this world and that is what I intend to do.
