DISCLAIMER: I am not writing this in response to the newly passed bills in Alabama or Ohio. I have not dug deep enough into the actual written facts of the bills to comment on them. I also feel the entire internet is tainted with some non-factual information, and I don't wish to comment on that. What I do want to comment on is the life growing inside of myself right now, and why my baby and every other baby deserves the right to live.
I was 7 weeks pregnant when I first saw the little "bundle of cells" growing inside of me. It's heartbeat was too small to hear, but was detected on the ultrasound. I looked at that ultrasound screen, and for lack of better words, I was PISSED. My husband squeezed my hand with tears in his eyes and said "Look honey! That's our baby!" I couldn't even force myself to smile. You see, I had found out that I was pregnant because of the never-ending morning sickness I had been experiencing since just week 3. I thought for sure that I would be farther along when dated via ultrasound, or that I would at least be having twins and that's why I would be so sick. But no, there was just one tiny little parasite inside of me, and I had a LONG ways to go.
As weeks went on, I wish I could tell you that I felt better, but I didn't. I would go 3-4 days without even keeping down a sip of water. Some days the only thing that I would be able to eat was my gummy pre-natal vitamin. I spent 4 different nights in the ER, and learned the nurses by name as they pumped me with fluids just so I would have the energy to walk back out of the ER. I would refer to my baby as a parasite or an infection more than I would call it a baby. There were more days that I wanted to give up, than days I would think about my baby being here and how "worth it" this would all be. I would ball my eyes out on the bathroom floor screaming at my husband asking him "why he did this to me." I often wonder if I had been in a different home or relationship scenario, if I maybe would have chosen to give up because of how hard my (and many others) pregnancy was. What my husband would remind me, is that the baby doesn't hate me, it doesn't know what it's doing to me, and that it was just trying to get big and strong and survive.
Even though we were married, I wouldn't consider our baby planned. We weren't actively trying to get pregnant what-so-ever, but because of the horrible side effects birth control had on my body, we made the decision at the beginning of our engagement that I would no longer be on birth control. Our pastor had suggested and asked us at the beginning of our engagement to not sleep together (please que the Bible thumping comments...ready... NOW) and we obliged. We knew our relationship was so much more than physical, but before saying "I DO," we wanted to prove that to ourselves. So with that being said, abstinence is HARD, but not IMPOSSIBLE. So for 5 months, we used the BEST, all-natural, free, and healthy birth control made and we didn't get pregnant!
A common argument for supporting abortion is that our foster care system is flawed, broken and FULL. While that is all very true, I still don't understand how this can be used as an argument for why we should kill these children before they enter the world. Are we saying that the lives that are currently in the foster care system will never amount to anything? That they don't matter? That we should've killed them before they had the chance to breathe the air we do? Clearly, no one will agree with those statements, but is abortion truly the best solution to this problem? Or as a country do we just need to focus more of our time, care and funding into the foster care system to make it better?
There are many women who are very upset with men making laws for something that they will never have to deal with. I get that, I do. But aren't those who are supporting abortion also in a war against the unborn men and WOMEN as well? (The fetus is one or the other already at only 7 weeks!) Aren't we trying to make decisions for someone who doesn't have a voice, while we yell and scream for not feeling like we don't have ours?
I don't know about you, but I have never in my life met someone who has birthed their child, kept it, and whole-heartedly wished they would have aborted their baby. Regardless of, if the baby's father is no longer in the picture, or if he was abusive, or in jail or whatever. No mother regrets the birth or life of their child. What I do know as well, is that many (however, not all) mothers regret the abortion they had when they were 17 and they wonder who that baby could've been. My baby was made out of love and whether it was planned or not, I know that. I know many babies are not made out of love, but what I do promise is that a love greater than any of us can comprehend until we are given it will come as soon as that baby takes it's first breath. That baby is not it's father, and it's not you. It doesn't assume the choices you have made in your lives, but it is a fresh slate, a new and innocent life.
I am only half way through my pregnancy. The little bean inside of me is now identified as a little girl. She has nerves and can feel pain. She also already keeps me up at night with her kicks and rolls. She is now a whole pound, and about a foot long. She has a bedroom in our home, and someone (more than one) to love her as soon as she arrives. I have accepted the responsibility of letting her occupy my body while she waits to join this world. While she maybe lives inside of me and can't live without me, I don't feel entitled to infringe upon her rights to see the sun shine, hear the birds chirp or feel the wind on her little face. She has her own brain, her own heart and her own body that does not belong to me.
Believe it or not, there is something that we ALL have in common. Whether male/female, conservative/republican, pro-life/pro-choice, and no matter how old we are, we were all given the chance to live and HAVE a voice. A baby doesn't make the choice to be brought into this world, but after it happens, we shouldn't assume the right to make the choice to take that away from them. I just want to say that I know there are some very special circumstances. I'm choosing not to speak on each individual scenario because everyone has their "what if" reasons on why we need to accept any or all abortions. I am simply stating why I believe every life should have the right to live, no matter how small or under-developed.
To close, I just want to remind you all, that this is purely my opinion, and how I am speaking out after seeing all of yours. I don't hate any of you who support abortion, I am not going to delete you on all social media platforms because your opinion is different than mine. And, I don't think any less of you. This country doesn't have it all figured out and that's for damn sure, but one thing we do have going for us is that we all have the freedom to shout from the rooftops what we believe in.
