Being so far away from home has been a struggle and a half. Not because I’m really homesick, but because I miss my best friend. Suzie is a year older than me, so I’ve had to deal with her not being around for extended periods of time before. During those times, though, it was her life that was super exciting and stressful, not mine. I haven’t been relying on her like I normally do just because adapting to the block plan has been super stressful and I’ve been caught up in merely surviving. I’m a huge hypocrite because I’m not being the best friend I should be, and I know when she leaves in November, I’m going to be a mess.

My best friend is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She’s leaving to serve on a mission in Utah for 18 months. We’ve been best friends since I was 15. For those three years, I’ve talked to her almost every day, more than once a day most of the time. When she goes on this mission, I’ll only be able to contact her by email once a week or by letter. I’ve yet to tell her how upset I am by this (because I’m sure she already knows and agrees) but I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to handle my life without being able to text her and have her solve my life problems for me whenever I need her to. She’s my rock. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that, without having her in my life these past few years, I wouldn’t be here right now. She’s always been there to pick me up when I’ve fallen apart and she does it without judgement or any sort of ill-feeling. I’ve come to depend on her. I’m absolutely terrified of how my life will be without her, which I know is SO selfish of me because she’s doing this awesome thing with her life, and I’m making this about me.

BUT IT’S SO HARD.

She leaves for Utah before I come home for Christmas. Not being able to text her and tell her Merry Christmas is going to be awful. Walking into the house and not being able to see her is going to be even worse. Walking into the room we share, our room, and not being able to cuddle her during the holidays when I’m supposed to be the most happy will break my heart. I can’t be upset, though. She’s going to kick ass in Utah. Lives will be changed forever because of the word that she brings. She’s already changed me forever. Suzie has made me into the best version of myself. I mentioned her in my last article; she’s the one friend I’ve had in life before coming to CC that helped me with my self-confidence. I could write a novel about how much of an angel she is to me. I know her serving in Utah will be the absolute best thing for her, but I’m so scared of how I’m going to deal with it. It’s super selfish and a little petty, but that is how I feel. She’s the reason I have my life somewhat together. I’m happy at this opportunity for her, but I’m one-hundred percent sure I’m going to fall apart. Beware, CC, because Breanna is going to be a wreck without the guiding advice of Suzie.

I love you, Suzie.