Sad over a break-up? Think you might be crushing on someone but are too scared to admit it? Does thinking about being in an intimate relationship scare you shitless? Well you've come to the right place. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to turn your heart into a frozen piece of emptiness.
STEP ONE: FIND SOMEONE
Find someone who consumes you. Find someone who makes your heart ache with love and fills your veins with warmth until you spill out. If your person doesn’t make you feel that way, they’re not the right person.
You might find them anywhere, usually in the places you least expect. You might be sitting across from them in the room and feel electricity in between the two of you, or you might be miles away and somehow it feels like home when you hear their voice.
Finding someone’s the easy part, from here it gets harder.
STEP TWO: THINK
Think about this person, think about your future, think about a future with them. Think about the first few months, get exhilarated about life.
Then keep going. Think about the fading candy-coated honeymoon stage and the upcoming fights. Think about the way you started crying when you told them the words and memories that usually stay locked in your head. Think about the way they promised you forever and you swallowed hard when you nodded because you knew forever was only a word.
Think about the past relationships, the ones that ended in tragedy. Think about the way you dealt with them, whether it was eating a pint of ice cream or feeling as if there was a black hole in between your brain and your heart. Wonder what makes this one different until you're hands are raw writing reason after reason.
Keep thinking about the future. Keep thinking about the intimate touches, the happy moments that keep fading. You hold their hand and you never want to let go, but gradually your grip will loosen enough that you can’t hold on any more.
This will be the first time you watch them disappear, and even though it's not real, it will hurt as if it was.
STEP THREE: CUT TIES
“What’s wrong?” They'll ask you, and you shake your head and tell them everything’s alright. They believe you at first, but you can only play charade for so long until they start guessing the right answer.
Soon they start fading. Those late night conversations? Gone. Those good morning texts? Gone. Your heart is aching but you’re also terrified to say something so you pretend they’ve already disappeared.
You imagined them disappear, and this time you’re the one who leaves first.
STEP FOUR: TRY TO SATISFY YOUR CRAVINGS
With shaky hands you find yourself in need for love. You enter any room and you radiate with an urgency for warmth hoping to fill your veins with someone else’s. It never feels the same.
STEP FIVE: WATCH THEM LEAVE
They heard what happened. You watch them crumble into a paper ball and you instantly want to reach out and hold them. Your heart is now cold and your arms are aching for warmth again, but their heart isn’t warm anymore.
You've reached the end. Congratulations, you have finished all the steps to freezing your heart. Repeat the process, or keep it frozen.
And to you, you know who you are, I hope you know I’m sorry.
