Growing up I was a very shy person (and I still am), only really raising my voice when I felt there was a need. I never participated in class, was not involved in extracurricular activities and always struggled to make friends. I felt like I would always be like this, on the outside looking in. Like I was trapped in a box that I would refuse to let myself or anyone else open up. I was quiet and shut myself out from the rest of the world. I would turn my head the other direction whenever I saw someone I knew, in fear that I would not know what to say to them, and they would not know what to say to me. I was introverted, always wanting to be by myself but searching for people to be surrounded by. This all changed a few short years ago.
I have always been pretty involved in theatre and drama, as I felt it was the once place I could truly be myself and take on all different types of roles, but had never tried out musical theatre. One day during my sophomore year of high school, I was browsing through after school classes that involved acting and came across a link to Berkeley Repertory Theatre's production of "Urinetown." I had never heard of a play entitled "Urinetown," nor did I have any interest being part or associated with a play with such a weird title. The next thing I learned was that not only was this a play, but it was a musical.
I refused to do the class, because there was singing involved and I for one, do not sing. Something changed within me, because I arrived at the class and entered a room full of supportive, friendly people. There were only about ten of us, and I didn't know how we were going to pull it off. I remember pulling my director Rebecca aside and telling her I didn't feel comfortable having a singing role. She understood, but when I looked around the room and realized everyone would have to play at least two roles, I would be putting a huge toll on our ensemble by not singing, so I did.
Not only did I literally find my own voice, I also found the confidence that had been locked inside of me. I learned that just as much I need others, others need me. Once I learned that I was able to sing without fear, I could do anything if not everything. While I still tended to hold back in most situations, I did it less frequently. I discovered my passion and was encouraged every step of the way. Sure, most of my singing and voice was off key, but at least it was present.
I now am so lucky to help others find their voice as well. I am in love with my summer job, assistant directing a bunch of musical theatre shows for kids ranging from ages five to 12 for the past two summers for multiple weeks. It is amazing to watch how much the kids progress and blossom into more confident individuals which is so important from a young age. I admire their confidence to go in front of their classmates and sing a couple bars at such a young age. I was 15 when I did that from the first time, a majority of these kids are just eight years old.
I was able to open the box I had been holding myself in for so long by finding my voice through singing. I am now more confident, extroverted, and starting to get better at making friends. I am incredibly thankful for my director Rebecca at Berkeley Repertory Theatre for providing me with an amazing experience throughout my high school years and for guiding me through this journey to find my voice.
