The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (or FAFSA) is a tool used by many U.S. college students every year to secure funding for school. Students who rely on the Pell Grant or Federal Loans depend on FAFSA for their higher education. I, too, used to be included in this group of students. That is, until FAFSA ruined my life.
It was the morning of January 1, 2016. I woke up groggily, slightly hungover from the New Year’s party with my hometown buddies from the night before. I made my way to the family desktop computer and began to fill out the form with my parents’ tax information from the previous year. I was hoping to get about $2,000 from Pell Grant so I could take care of the remaining balance with loans and money from my savings. Out-of-state tuition can be brutal.
Upon entering the necessary data and completing the form, however, I was surprised to see that my estimated Pell Grant amount was quoted at $10,000. Wow! That’s way more than I needed! After doing some number-crunching, I realized that I was actually going to receive a refund check of $1,300 without even needing to dip into my savings or get a loan. Sounds amazing, right? Just wait.
A few months passed and, sure enough, my refund check arrived in the mail on August 12th. I couldn’t believe it. With $1,300 I could cover the cost of textbooks and even have a little left over for a grocery store splurge. I was on top of the world.
The next day, I received another envelope from Financial Services. Drat! They must have figured out there was some kind of mistake in the system and are asking for the money back. I hesitantly opened the envelope to find…a check for $1,300. No note, no explanation, just a second refund check. I was perplexed at first, but then decided to accept this mysterious financial mistake and celebrate my new small fortune.
That night, two envelopes were slid under my bedroom door. I opened them to find two more refund checks of $1,300. The next morning I discovered a large package had been delivered to my doorstep. Inside was 100 refund checks, each one worth $1,300. I looked up to see crows zooming across the sky in wide circles, dropping checks of $1,300 everywhere a la the beginning of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
I fled the apartment, which was now flooded from floor to ceiling with checks, and headed to the street for help. There I discovered that all signs, billboards, license plates, and TVs only resembled a check made out to me for $1,300. I approached a man on the street to ask for help, but he only smiled vacantly at me and handed me a check for $1,300.
Every person I try to talk to, including my own parents, only smiles and hands me a check for $1,300. When I bite into any food or drink any drink I choke on a check for $1,300. My entire existence has become a check for $1,300. I am the check, and every check is me. I cannot outrun myself, no matter how far or how fast I travel.
Collectively, FAFSA has given me over $2,600,001,300 and counting. In three days, I will be the richest man who has ever lived. I also have no friends or family, cannot eat or drink, and am currently writing this from the bowels of a cave where I have found temporary sanctuary. FAFSA has not just ruined my life. FAFSA has ended my life. Even now as I write this I hear the flaps of crows’ wings as they approach the mouth of the cave. I will die here. The beast that is FAFSA has claimed their victim. I pray that you are not next.
Have a great semester!
