It started when I was about five or six years old. My childhood best friends and I had developed (or so we thought) a game that almost all children play at that age: pretend. We would either pretend we were a family in a house, each with a different domestic role, or we would pretend we were rockstars. As we grew a little older, it changed to more realistic professional jobs such as being teachers or being teenagers in high school. It was always something different; yet, the one thing that stayed constant was the names we used.

We were all Indian, and respectively, had Indian names as well. All of our parents had traveled from India and started a life for themselves in America, which made us second-generation immigrants. We all stuck to each other like glue, always together whether it was eating, sleeping, or playing games. However, when it came to picking names for those games, we always used westernized names. For example, I would go as Maddy or my friend would rebrand herself as Summer, and so on. When we would describe ourselves to each other, we would straight up say we were white. White.

Now you're probably thinking, "Varsha, that's such a small aspect of your childhood. I think you're overreacting just a little bit. Why does it even matter that much?" Here's why:

While I understand living in America influences other cultures to be westernized immensely in small ways and big ways, as a child, it is a very dangerous thing. It put forth a mindset that whenever I wanted to play someone else, I had to be a Caucasian woman with a popular Americanized name. I was never an Indian because all around us, there was nothing that ever said that being 'Varsha' was cool. Or that the name 'Varsha' was stylish. My culture wasn't the "main one" so in my mind, I wasn't important nor was my culture. It was harmful.

This embedded an idea in my mind that stuck with me as I grew older. When I first started writing creative fiction, almost every name I used was American. Without a doubt, all of my characters were Caucasian. Maybe it was the fact that all of the books that were ever handed to me only had this type of representation of people or that whenever I watched TV or movies, these were the only type of people I would see. The westernization had clawed itself into an art that I love without even me realizing it.

It was only a few days ago when I realized how an action as small as changing my name could matter so much to me. It created a sort of disconnect between my culture and I. Of course, I participated in my culture – along with festivals and religious based events, I had many Indian friends throughout my life, but it wasn't, and still isn't enough.

If I wasn't comfortable incorporating my life and my culture into a world of pretend utopia, did that mean I was unhappy with who I was? Even worse, if I kept using Eurocentric names as a cover, was I subconsciously wanting to be Caucasian and have these westernized standards?

Even at this day and age, sometimes I find myself thinking, "Wow. I wish I was white; this wouldn't have happened to me if I was white." Or it's a variation of that. To me, this stems from the idea that when I was younger, I wanted to be white in a pretend world so bad that it carried over to the way I thought and influenced the decisions I made. Now, you tell me, how harmful that is.

I am so thankful that this realization is slowly hitting me and so many other young people of color. I am also thankful that I am adapting to a new way of thinking and evolving with a new, more self-accepting mindset. I am thankful that I see how westernized standards such as this can harm children even at a young age in tiny ways. This world is changing. Diversity is starting to increase its appearance on entertainment and television. Equality is a hot-button issue that continues to make strides to a goal of peace. We're on the right path.

Representation matters and it is extremely important that we see that and change the way children feel about themselves and it's extremely important that we show them that who they are is acceptable. Eurocentrism may have damaged who I am and how I think, but that doesn't mean it should change my future child.