I have a friend who used to worry that there was something wrong with her relationship because it was quite different from how she perceived others' relationships and how relationships are portrayed in movies and television. She used to worry that they there was something wrong with her relationship because her girlfriend and her had disagreements often and that there were oftentimes one or both of them wasn't happy. I mean relationships are supposed to be good and happy all the time because that's how they are in movies, and when we see other people in relationships we almost always see them happy and smiling. Therefore if I am fighting with my partner there must be something wrong with our relationship. Right?
Wrong.
Relationships are most times not always going to be happy and free of conflict. In fact, if they were I would be concerned because it is impossible for two people to be able to get along perfectly. Both of you have different mindsets and different ways of expressing things, meaning, that there are going to be times someone does or says something that upsets the other person or is misinterpreted. It's going to happen and it's definitely not fun when it does, but that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with your relationship because working through the times where there's sadness and/anger are just as important and even more so. Being able to work through any problem or obstacle that might happen during the relationship is a better indicator as to whether or not things will work out later down the road than any sort of joy or happiness you will experience. If you can't work through issues in a respectful, effective manner with your partner now, you are certainly not going to be able to later. And because you aren't addressing or solving the issues all that pent up negativity is going to weigh down your relationship and you're going to end up being unhappy all of the time.
Don't compare your relationship to others. Just because two people seem to be a perfect couple it doesn't mean that's how they always are. All good relationships go through issues, it's very normal. And every relationship is different so what works for one relationship does not work for another relationship. The best indicator as to whether or not your relationship is good or normal is how you feel and how you think. When you think of the other person, what do you feel emotionally and physically? Do you think of them in a positive light or in a negative light? Depending on the answers to these questions that will tell you whether your relationship is healthy or not.
When you are finding someone that you potentially want to spend the rest of your life with, you don't want/shouldn't expect perfection. If you are dating someone who you never have a disagreement with, that means either issues are not being dealt with properly, or that you are too alike, which isn't a good thing. You want there to be some differences when you are looking for a potential partner or else the relationship will become boring in time. Also, on the other end of the spectrum, you don't want to be dating someone who you fight with all the time, or someone who is vastly different than you. This is not to say that they can't be different, but if they don't share your same morals and if their values differ from yours then that's a problem.
Finding a life partner means finding someone who despite the arguments and issues that might arise still makes you feel like the happiest and luckiest person alive, and who is willing to work with you through it all. It does not mean finding someone who is perfect, because that's just not reality.
